Saturday, May 30, 2009

Intervention Time


I know for a fact that some of my viewerships are parents of my friends (well, I only know one mother who reads my blog). I appreciate your contribution into making my blogosphere go to another realm, and I realize that I may have not given enough attention to those in that age group. However, being a graduate and now supremely unemployed, I have TONS of time to watch MOAR television, and since I do not have Bravo, my new favorite channel is TLC (it stands for The Learning Channel). That's right, the ultimate MOM channel. Also home to the now infamous Jon & Kate plus 8. I'm not a fan of screaming kids, so I usually skip that show. I don't even care if Jon is having an affair or if Kate is a mega bitch, I KNOW that they're doing this for the ratings (my own personal conspiracy theory). 

Meanwhile, there is a wonderful gem called "What Not to Wear," and I find this show to be hilarious. Why should you (my mothership viewer) watch this? Because they take people with horrible taste in clothes and give them some "fashion" lessons and a makeover. Also, because we both have the same DISTASTE for her daughter's clothing, and I would like to take this opportunity to nominate your daughter (and a good friend of mine) into the show. (cue in hysterical laughter). If I have your permission, that is. 

Here's part of an episode so the whole family can enjoy: 




*Thanks T for being a good sport

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ho or Entrepreneur?

For a good chunk of my tween/teen years, I enjoyed watching the 10-12 am shows such as Jerry Springer, Judge Joe Brown, Ricky, etc etc. But the best one has always been MAURY! That guy is a TV genius. He would have tranny shows, bring in some girls to find out who their baby's daddy is, or have a lie-detector test for potential cheating spouses. My favorite is obviously the DNA testing ones... "You .............. ARE THE FATHER!!! (CROWD ROARS)" I've always wanted to go to a Maury taping, but I can settle for Jerry Springer. 

Anyways, sometimes there's always some girls around the age from 12-17 who wants to get pregnant, for serious my izzle. Usually, these types of people should NEVER reproduce EVER. But Victoria has a plan (and it doesn't include Plan B [haha!]) to raise money and make herself pregnant at the same time! She said that she wanted to be a prostitute so she can hit two birds with one stone. Que sera sera my child. 

Hmmm.... Ho or entrepreneur? Or both? 
Watch this mess:

Crazy Woman

Have you seen what Isabella Rossellini been doing lately? Well you totally should:
Here you go:



I know, I know, when I first saw it, my face gave the biggest "WTF" impression.
But wait, there's more!! Click here to watch all first and second season of this animal-mating-insanity-show called "Green Porno." Seriously.
I suggest you go watch the "Whale" episode...



Enjoy

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Ryan Kwanten Weekend

Damn. Watch it in HQ. I love a good body.

If you are wondering: the song is called "Soccer Practice" by the Gay Pimp. 


Saturday, May 16, 2009

Please Never Wear a Shirt EVER Again


HELLOOOOOOOO RYAN KWANTEN!! (I'm throwing dollar bills at him in my fantasy, while he's doing a striptease)
What? You want MORE shirtless pictures of him? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

DROP THOSE TOWELS!

Ok, now that I have reasonably calmed down, let me introduce you to Ryan Kwanten (aka Jason Stackhouse) from True Blood. The first photo is a sneak peek on the second season. He is one fine piece of heaven, and I'm praying to let this recession affect the whole costume budgeting for the show and let there be more topless hot men running around or doing some kind of construction work. Yum yum yum. 

Talk about being excited for True Blood, its only a MONTH away... I cannot wait, CANNOT!! The first season is now currently on HBO OnDemand, so for those that haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend you to watch it. I'm rewatching the first season again because I am a loser with serious withdrawal issues for quality television. For those that has seen it, here's a sneak peek of the second season, ENJOY!


Saturday, May 9, 2009

It's All Coming Back To Me Now


I have completely abandoned this blog for quite a while, and now I would like to formally apologize for my lack of postings. I had finals, graduations, and family to deal with... but I'm ALMOST free... just have to bear a couple more days. 

But yesterday, I just watched the most spectacular new show EVER. EVER! It's called "The Real Housewives of New Jersey." RIGHT? RIGHT? I was sold just by the title only. These Housewives are almost as worthy as those the ones in Atlanta, seriously, they're just drenched in GLAMOUR. 

So far, my favorite character is Dina... she's having some kind of beef with Danielle, but you guys won't know who I'm talking about till you actually watch it. Danielle is also great actually, she's divorced (of course) and currently been having phone sex with a guy she met on the internet named "guccimodel"............................................... PRICELESS! There's just so much more wonderful juicy tidbits that I can write a full show report on it, but I'll restrain myself and let you guys watch it for yourself. Although, I kind of wish that there's a little bit more guido action.

Here you go, Enjoy:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hibernation Mode: Sigh...


I'm pretty sure that 95% of you that read this blog is in New York City now. And you guys might have noticed... WHAT is up with the weather lately? It goes from "drizzle" to fucking THUNDERSTORM in less than a minute. All I can say is that my shoes are RUINED, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... 

Oh well, right now is the perfect time for you guys to take a nap. The pitter patter of the raindrops against the window is always so nice and peaceful. Or start drinking for those that are DONE with finals! Don't even bother going out (unless you have to), but I feel like I'm obligated to discuss the Jon and Kate plus 8 saga going on right now. 

If you've never watched this show, here's the basic plotline: Jon and Kate has two lovely beautiful children, however, they decided that they just wanted ONE more child. Naturally, they conceived this child out of IVF treatment, and Kate was left with 6 fertilized eggs in her uterus. SIX KIDS ALL AT ONCE?!?! Yeah, they were basically FUCKED. But they went through it, (Octo-Mom totally ripped the idea from them), and was approached by TLC for a reality show. Thank goodness they accepted, because 8 children is not a cheap thing to have. Fuck, feeding one person is already pricey enough. 
Anyways, I've only seen a couple episodes of this show, parenthood+kids = not a show for me. But now, apparently Jon has been going around doing the sexy times with someone other than Kate. Parenthood+8kids+questionable affair with a 23 year old = TV GOLD!

If you've been following ANY gossip news lately, you probably know the details of this "affair." I'm not going to go into details as it is quite a boring "scandal." I wouldn't be surprised at ALL if this was all a fake scam. 
AHA! I just did some heavy research and found out that the new season is coming back on May 25......... Coincidence? I think NOT!
Deep down inside of me, I really think this all is just a giant pile of shit called a publicity stunt to whore out their new season. We're in a recession here, like the rest of America, they need the money BAD. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Swine Flu


I'm thisclose to sending my Japanese Cinema professor and e-mail saying that I have swine flu. I have a 10 page essay to write, and I'm on page 2. FML. HOWEVER, it is due in 7 hours, so there is still HOPE you guys. HOPE that one of you loyal viewers would do it for me. KIDDING, not really. The movie is called "Sword of Doom," and I recommend those who are a fan of samurai movies or the jidaigeki genre to watch it.

I think I momentarily gave up on this assignment 6 hours ago, and almost started my Cinco de Mayo celebrations real early. But my friends told me that it was a horrible idea to do so... I'm not so sure if they were right. I'm going to be stuck in the Third North Dungeon for the next two hours or so, visit me if you want to. I want the distraction.

I'm having semi "In Treatment" withdrawal right now and I'm also starving for food. But this could be potentially my LAST.ESSAY.EVER! So, maybe I should savor this feeling as I am going to miss it. How masochistic of me. (WHIP ME!) Ignore this whole post please.

*Thanks to those who "believe" that I'm able to do this.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Prepare to be SHOCKED

(image from VH1)

"APPARENTLY," Tila Tequila (aka my cousin's double) and [my darling] Ray J is DATING.... 

What the fuck happened with Cocktail, RAY??? The one that WON your dating series? I need an official statement from you STAT!

I'm not sure what my complete reaction is. I guess good for them? Anyways, this is what she wrote on her official blog (and then she deleted it I guess because I couldn't find it anywhere, via Hollywood Tuna)

"My baby is Ray J…..and no man has made me feel so loved and so happy in such a long time. We really do love each other and I am so happy to have FINALLY met someone who treats me with respect and love. He is so sweet to me and makes me melt everytime I see him…….I love my baby……so there you have it! Tila Tequila is officially dating Ray J!!!!!! I think we make the cutest couple….dont you????? And this video that I posted earlier tonight was for him so he would hurry up and come over to see his wifey:"

then she made a striptease video for him, here's her statement:
"Here is a sexy video I made for my baby! HURRY HOME TO MAMA I MISSS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! Do you guys think this video will work once he see's it??? If I made this for you and I was your girlfriend, would you come over and see me????? haha! GRRRRRRR! I love u baby!"



A sex tape between these two whores needs to happen STAT! (if its true that they are dating). Or even better, a REALITY SHOW TOGETHER! Oh.My.God. REALITY TELEVISION HEAVEN! Please dear Universe, let this relationship be real. 

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Hills Vs CSI

My ongoing effort of shamelessly promoting Chelsea Lately is still underway...




:))

oh, and sexyEW19? really?:)

Try to Not Laugh

First of all, let us all give a warm welcome to a new contributor: scaramouche. [please write some comments on her post as it could potentially boost her self-esteem, which could lead her to write more for the blog with me hounding at her less]. I'm hoping that scaramouche is and will be a better guest contributor than sexyEW19. We both have an eerily similar taste in television shows, so it's quite easy to please her (wink wink). Please enjoy her Tyra post below. 

So, I've been kinda on a Celine Dion crusade for the last 10 hours, and with a little search on Youtube, I found out that there was a few cover versions of her mega hit single "It's All Coming Back To Me Now." Guess who sang in one of them? 

......
......
MEAT LOAF

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I really tried to control my laughter while watching this. The best part is that they were trying to make it an homage to Celine's original music video and I think they did it successfully on how cheezy it was. Seriously Meat Loaf, please don't try to hold/touch/kiss me in any way (shudder). 

Oh, wait I almost forgot, this gets better, the single features a singer called Marion Raven. Does she sound familiar? No? Well its because she was a part of the 90's group "M2M." Still not familiar? They have a single called "Don't Say You Love Me," which was later used as the soundtrack to Pokemon the movie... How do I know this? I used to LOVE them, now I feel bad that now her career winds her up in this weird music video as the lover that died (haunting Meat Loaf everywhere). Well, I mean I would prefer to have her haunt me than Meat Loaf... 

Please watch this below:

Tyra Banks Scarred Me For Life

I feel like I should formally introduce myself as this is my first act of blog posting deliciousness EVER... It's late and I am procrastinating so our main judgmentalist has offered me some blogspace to corrupt.
...................

Has this woman ever traumatized you???
Do you feel like you're coming down with the Swine flu when you hear these words? : "Two girls stand before me. One is...[blah blah blah blah] the other is [blah blah blah blah] but who will be...America's...Next...Top..Model..."

One look into her crazy-fierce fake-eyelash adorned pupils sends chills down my spine... It started with America's Next Top Model, then she somehow got her own show.
Yes, the Tyra Banks Show. The most horrendous, atrocious display of SELF-LOVING that TV has EVER witnessed!! As soon as her ego got too ginormous for America's NExt Top Model, it just spilled over into the day-time TV market... shame shame crying shame...

FYI, all I had to do to dig up some Tyra ridiculosity was type "Tyra Banks Ridiculous" into the YouTube Search Engine... (please view below, and view with caution if you ANTM scars are still fresh)


(she's maaaaaaaaaaad)

OK, so the whole point of this was to tell you to watch Make Me A Supermodel on Bravo. If you don't have Bravo, find a friend that has Bravo and blackmail them with incriminating pictures until they are begging you to come over and watch the glory that is that show. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I LOVE IT but i can't keep it a secret any longer. It's wondeful and ridiculous all at once. There's a Mennonite Model who didn't know who Andy Warhol is. A Virgin Neuroscientist MEd Student who just realized he wanted to be a model. An 18 year old who loves his mom and bacon....need i say more?
Here is the first episode:

http://tvshack.net/tv/Make_Me_A_Supermodel__US_/season_2/episode_1/

ANd for those who just can't let go of Ty-Ty

She Might Have Well Used Fabio


Don't ask why I'm watching this at 1:50 in the morning. I miss Celine, even though I might be permanently scarred by her Titanic song, I will always have a place for her in my heart. This music video basically reflects the epitome of the 90's; its basically like a series of romance novel cover images. It would probably have been better if Fabio was in it. Enjoy. 

OH NO "EMBEDDING DISABLED BY REQUEST!" WHAT THE FUCK YOUTUBE? Sigh... fine, click on this link then:
This song title seems to reflect how I feel every time I wake up from a hangover. This'll be my drunken anthem for LIFE!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Walter


I have an essay due yesterday, still in the process of writing it, unfortunately its going nowhere as I have started the second season of "In Treatment." This show is supremely addictive, I'm not kidding, I think I've watched about 4 hours of it in a ROW.

Seriously, watching this show has either always want me to become a therapist or have him as MY therapist. Paul (aka Gabriel Byrne) is my hero, really, FUCK SUPERMAN. Paul is probably the best therapist anyone could ever have, but like all of us, he's just human and have to go through the same drama that we go through everyday. Which is all revealed in his therapy sessions with Gina. Its like, he's so awesome for the first 4 episodes with his patients, then you see him going to therapy and suddenly he's flawed (swoon). 

You guys should really start watching this show, you will learn so much about human behavior and emotion from just watching it. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND EVERYONE TO WATCH THIS, HIGHLY! I grade it: "A (motherfucking) PLUS!"

So, last season, each different sessions is on different days from Monday to Friday, so you can pick and choose which person you want to follow. Now, the show is cramped on Sunday and Monday, its a bit much on two days, but I have already a favorite character besides the therapist. His name is Walter and I heart him. Walter (real name Tom Mahoney) is a CEO of a multi-conglomerate company and he went in with issues of insomnia, but little did we know that he also has issues of panic attacks. I can totally relate as I am also a CEO of a multi-billionaire company. Ha. Ha. Ha...

Any of you already watching this show? Which character do you like best? And why?

RANDOM
A shout out for HBO: I love you. HIRE ME PLEASE! I don't mind if you want to send me to the middle of nowhere in Louisiana for the shooting of "True Blood." I'll do it! I'm about to graduate and like everyone else, I want to have a job that I would somewhat enjoy working in. I would truly appreciate a free internship or I can always be your HBO whore (well I already am) and write nice and fluffy things about your shows. Think about it. Please.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Brainkill of the Week


AUDRINA AND BRODY???? REALLY? REALLY???? DOES THE SCRIPTWRITER OVER AT THE HILLS HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO WRITE ABOUT? THEY CAN'T EVEN ACT FOR SHIT TO MAKE THE SCENE BELIEVABLE. I RATHER WATCH COVERGIRL/MAYBELLINE/NEUTROGENA COMMERCIALS RATHER THAN THAT SPEW OF VOMIT. 

Ok, sorry... that was quite an overreaction... This show is just so ridiculous, do you know that Brody has a friend named "Sleazy T." He should be the STAR of the show (but that's my opinion). 

Ok, but seriously, this show promotes that cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend is A-OK. Audrina even wants to start a "war" with Brody's girlfriend (Jayde). 
Ok, like seriously, what is she gonna do? Stare at her with her ceiling eyes? FAIL! And Audrina speaks like if you watch a normal person talking in slow-mo, it'll be so irritating to just wait for her to finish her sentence. "Youuu knooooow whaaaaat? Youuuu're aaaa biiiiitch...!" ARGH GIVE HER FUCKING RITALIN FOR GOD SAKE!
ANYWAYS, If I don't see a proper catfight with drinks being thrown around anywhere in a club, I will be supremely disappointed MTV. 

I'll bet you MTV will be shameless enough to write a potential scenario where Stephanie has a "crush" with Audrina. This show will start to go literary gay in 3, 2, 1...