Hormones Instability

I am not sure what is up with me these couple of days... but for a minute I can feel like

"I'M THE SUN AND I'M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! I'M SUPER AWESOME AND I CAN DO ANYTHIIIIIIING IN THE WORLD!!!"

to

 "I HATE MY LIFE WHY IS EVERYONE SO STUPID"

to

 "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME YOU STUPIDPUNKFACEASSWIPE?" 

For example I started out today like I was really the fucking sun. I CAN DO ANYTHING AND NOBODY IS GONNA STOP ME (aka going to the mall alone).

WOW THIS MALL CHANGED!

WHAT'S THAT? A NEW SUPERMARKET?

AWESOME!

So that was how I felt for like the beginning part of my mall journey. Then I remembered an old high school friend of mine apparently opened up a high-end fashion boutique in THIS particular mall! I was like, I'M GONNA CHECK IT OUT!

Let me just clarify that I was wearing my 4 days old t-shirt, jeans, flip flops, and my work bag. All of this while I have unwashed hair, glasses, and massive noise-cancelling headphones with my bedazzled iPod. Since this is Indonesia and people are always so friendly, they're not gonna really judge me on my appearance as much. I. WAS. WRONG.

The store had a security guard that is more like a bouncer I guess, but I PASSED that first phase! HAH! So a store lady greeted me hello with a smile, then after one quick look to what I was really looking like, she was like giving me a "why are you in this store" glare.

what I looked like in her eyes (minus the two dogs)

This was really the moment that I went from BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN to spiral of depression. What went through my mind:

"maybe I should have worn something better"
"whatever"
"why is she following me so closely?"
"erm... should i tell her to not invade my private bubble of space?"
"CAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING, JUST THE WAY YOU AAAARE (Bruno Mars on iPod)"
"ooooh, this dress is pretty!"
"ok lady is following me, STILL!"

At this point, I decided that maybe if I name-dropped the owner's name she'll back off a bit (more like backfired on my face).
So I was like "is (name-drop) here today?"
She's like NO
Me: (whispering to myself) coz she's an old friend of mine from high school... i don't need to justify myself...


On My Mind:
"does this lady really thinks i'm gonna just grab a dress and run off the store?"
"yes she does..."
"why is no one rescuing me"
"..............i am ashamed of myself"

And I felt defeated... Thanks, random store lady "helper", you have just made me feel worthless. It was like a black hole appeared next to the sun and vacuumed that shit up. So I marched to the bookstore next and was like sulky and meh... I was just browsing aimlessly and just touching random design books, wishing that I wish I could have a room that beautiful. And realizing I probably never can (serious spiral of depression).

Till I found a book about crocheting THIS!

HOW CUUUUUUUUUUTEE!
Now I was all like: I'M GONNA BUY THIS BOOK AND MAKE THESE THINGS! THEY ARE SO CUTE AND ADORABLE! IT SAYS HERE THAT IT'S EASY PEASY! Yes, this will be easy! I'M GONNA BE TERMINATOR AWESOME IF I CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS!
Hence, once again, the sun mode is back on. And I don't know how to crochet, but I'm still determined to do this once I'm back in NY......... OR I CAN START TOMORROW!

So I was home, and just doing my stuff of boredom. Internet, book, movies, tv, phone, etc... Then I called a friend of mine, and I mistakenly thought that my friend hung up on me. WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK! THAT BITCH BETTER HAVE NOT HUNG UP ON ME OR I'M GONNA GO GODZILLA ON YOUR ASS! I was in serious rage. More like SERIOUS RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWRRR!!!!!!!!! LIKE IF I SEE A SONY CAMERA I WILL TAKE IT FROM THE OWNER AND HULK-SMASH IT TO A PULP kinda rage!

Without hesitation, I called my friend back and in my calmest possible voice asked:
"WHY DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?!?!?!?!?!"
friend: huh?
"WHY. DID. YOU. HANG. UP. ON. ME. !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
friend: (still confused as the line actually dropped) what?
"I. DON'T. APPRECIATE. IT. IF. YOU. DO. THAT. TO. ME!!!!!
friend: I didn't hang up on you.
"LIIIIEEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!"
friend: really. I didn't.
"......................... I'M STILL ANGRY ANYWAYS"

more like ashamed of myself... Going to spend the next day in complete hiding mode and reflect on my behavior today.

Sometimes, when its closing to "that time of the month" my mood becomes a bit erratic, but this is crazier than usual. I mean... come on... really...

So, I'm sorry dear friend for that unfortunate phone call. Even editing this post is giving me a headache.