EW.

What the fuck is this monstrosity?
First of all: I LOATHE coconut candy bars, because they just taste the opposite of what an actual coconut taste like + added a butt load of sugar.
Secondly: they want to artificially infuse the flavor into a creamer and put it in your coffee? Excuse me but I just barfed all over my carpet.

Liquified almond joy? NO THANK YOU. Give me the Cinnabon version any day.

Treat Yo Self

Can we all just agree that this is the Best Episode in this season so far. FRAGRANCES! TREAT YO SELF! MIMOSAS! TREAT YO SELF!

Another Games of Thrones marathon? TREAT. YO. SELF.

DETOX HELL

NOW, I'M TRULY BACK IN THE NEW YORK CITY (moment of excitement hence all caps)!!!

That was an odd announcement. Let's scratch that, and get to the point! I was horrified with my 4kg weight gain over my Asia trip, that I'm doing a major DETOX of my body. I am detoxifying all these alcohol bloats, fried chicken fat, and pasta/noodle carbs galore.

Oh dear jeebus, even writing that makes me soooooooooooooo hungry... The hardest part about all the detoxing is that I can't eat solid food... Only 6 bottles of juice a day... GREEN JUICE! Its actually pretty good (taste wise), but when I pass someone eating a motherfucking bowl of pasta, I'm literary just about to snap their forks out of their hands and gobble that shit up into my belly. Even writing that sounds so satisfying right now... Yes, this was more of a challenge for me than I expected it to be...

So, I'm suppose to do this for a minimum of 3 days. But some say that I should try 10 days, because then the real detox will be happening... 10 days is a little bit insane, but I have faith that maybe I can do it (the "maybe" there is me reassuring myself that I HAVE TO DO THIS).

You know what, I take that back about the solid food... its the alcohol that's the hardest to resist. I. CAN. HAVE. ZERO. OF. IT.

Massaman curry of my dreams

I don't want to go out because I don't want to see people eating food (THAI MASSAMAN CURRY IS MY CURRENT CRAVING) or see them enjoying a glass of wine... I'm already spending a lot of money on this, so it'll be even more pointless if I break my detox now.

I'm currently on day 2... and my head is POUNDING of pain, and I've been browsing my old photographs of food, while drooling all over my keyboard. Wish me luck everybody.

-I'm doing the Juice Press 6 juices a day cleanse for the next four days.

Spirits Don't Exist

You guys should know (by now) that I only update this blog when I'm:
a) in Jakarta
b) new season of True Blood
c) frustrated by jet lag


It happens to be that all three of these occurrences are happening to me at the same time, so FUCK MY LIFE (more to explain later). As much as I'm happy to be eating all these delicious foods here, I am still suffering what is known as desynchronosis (medical term for jet lag). I literary just arrived 7 hours ago. I know I'm being a drama queen of the maximum potential right now... But what's the point of having a blog if I can't be effing bat shit crazy ranting about a problem that pilots and air steward/ess have to deal with every single day?!?!

AM I RIGHT PEOPLE?! 


Anyways, how does True Blood becomes a problem for me all of the sudden? Well, I'll tell you how!
Just for those that haven't seen the season yet and don't want to be spoiled, here's a SPOILER ALERT! 


So this new season is focused on a soul of witch of the past (like 14th century), called ANTONIA, possessing and taking control of a body of a particular medium, Marnie. This witch is a 'necromancer' and has some serious hate for the vampires because they raped and burned her to death in her previous life. So as Antonia was burned (for being a witch) at the stake, she casted a spell to make all vampires (within 200 miles) want to get out of their coffin and 'see the sun.' Thus, a mini genocide of vampires happened.

Now ANTONIA is resurrected in Marnie, and she's having this vengeance thing going on, so she wants to make ALL vampires see the sun. Do you see where the problem is for vampires?


Anyways, sorry for going off track. So for a couple of episodes, this witch 'spirit' would just suddenly appear in a corner, watching us quietly. And this Antonia spirit isn't even the scariest one; Lafayette is 
also un/fortunately a medium and he sees some crazy ass spirits around him at all times.
Look at the first picture up there, that's a spirit who only talks to a devil baby. Trust me when I say this: I CAN'T WATCH THIS SHOW ALONE! 


As I was drifting into a peaceful slumber, I heard a loud thunk, and woke up fully aware thinking that there's a spirit in my room. Now I'm awake and can't sleep for shit because this show has brainwashed my brain into being a full blown pussy. Yes, laugh all you want, but the results are shown here as I'm blogging away at 5:22 am. 


Ahahaha....




**Can we please give Fiona Shaw a fucking Emmy/Golden Globe/Oscar for her OUTSTANDING performance in this show?!?! She is also famously known as Harry Potter's Aunt Petunia.   

Love You Like A Love Song Baby

I love this song because I'm forever a 12 year old gay boy stuck in a woman's body.

*you can blame my friend Tala for this

THRONES MANIA!

I just discovered this show two days a month ago and must tell you that it is FUCKING AMAZING. LIKE AH-MAY-ZING. So amazing that I want to yell "WINTERFELL" whenever I feel a cab is trying to take me on a longer route.
Ex: Sir, why are you taking me through Times Square? DO YOU THINK I'M A TOURIST?!?! WINTEEERFEEEEEELL!!!

So, while on a vacation, I missed an episode of Thrones... It happened to be THAT episode... but having never read the books, I was in for a massive shock (no spoilers, don't worry). Anyways, besides being literary upset for 48 hours, I ran out to the nearest bookstore, bought the book, and read it so I could know what is happening in next's week episode. Yes... I am that sad.

After finishing the first book, I ordered the WHOLE SET from Amazon, and have been hibernating in the apartment just reading it. *I know only very little people support me in this behavior*

As a 'renowned' TV blogger, you must all listen to me while I say that this is like the best TV show I have seen this year. That is a big statement, but it really is true. The amount of complexities in the plot can be difficult to translate to the small screen. But they did it well while staying faithful to the plot.

Some people might argue that the book is better than the show, however I must say that the television show did better in visualizing the characters. They casted everyone perfectly, especially Joffrey. I have never hated a character so much in my life that it gives me pleasure to watch this.


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok I'm done.

Chris Meloni Leaving Law & Order: SVU

Many of you don't know that I went into an obsessive phase of Law & Order: SVU... How obsessive you ask? Like Obsession by Calvin Klein.

I blame the USA channel because they would have SVU marathons running two days a week. Once you start with one episode, you're can't stop. Its like the Pringles from hell.

This explains a lot why I haven't been seen out in the wild... As either I've been holed up because I'm stuck in a marathon limbo or its because I'm in fear that any of the SVU episodes might be actually be coming true... I now triple-lock my door at night, and have a machete ready for attacks. NOT. FUCKING. KIDDING.

don't fucking mess with me

So as sad as I was when the Mariska Hargitay was leaving SVU, the real blow came when Christopher Meloni decided to leave SVU too. I mean YOU AT LEAST HAVE TO KEEP ONE ORIGINAL CHARACTER!! And the worst part is there rumors that Jennifer Love Hewitt might be considered as a replacement... Can we all just scream: BLASPHEMY!!!

By the way, if you are a wannabe detective, and are trying to figure out the criminal before the last 5 minutes of the show... A good rule of thumb is: if there's somebody famous on the show, its 95% guarantee that they are the fucker.

China Bans Time Travel

I know this is a bit of old news, but I just heard about it today.

No, China is not banning scientists from developing some sort of time machine device (maybe they are), but instead they are banning any media programming depicting time travel. 


The explanation: "characters traveling back in time 'lack positive thoughts and meaning' and that a program's portrayal of time travel can 'casually make up myths, have monstrous and weird plots, use absurd tactics, and even promote feudalism, superstition, fatalism and reincarnation.' - (Huffpo) 


Right....... I mean I know China is just ridiculous on another level, but this type of censorship is beginning to fascinate me on what is the judicial process behind the ban..... Who was the person that connected the two dots that time travel = PURE EVIL? 


Just imagine a country where no Terminator franchise series is allowed. No Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures. No Lost (spoiler alert). No Back to the Future. NO DOCTOR WHO! 


WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY LIKE THAT? #icantwiththis

Grandpa is Gonna Be SOOO Happy When He Wakes Up

I can't stop laughing after watching this. I'm totally going to do this tonight, after I go buy a whole jar of Olay Regenerist Cream, and look like a baby tomorrow.

Bear Nipple Waxing

These are by far the hairiest dudes I've seen, on public television, getting their whole body waxed.
Seriously: chest, legs, and armpits. If they're back-hair was shown on public, the nation would be induced in a vomiting session.

Amazing Race is on their billionth season, and people keep coming back to watch it because of messes like this. I once saw an episode in which a couple had to eat something disgusting, they unfortunately puked it out towards the end... But to finish the challenge they had to finish whatever is in the bowl... Yep, you guessed it, they had to eat their own vomit to get to their final destination. FUCKING. DISGUSTING. I TELL YOU.

Anyways, as a woman who has endured some sort of waxing, I really feel their pain.
I don't even want to think what kind of stubbles they're going to grow, and if they're wearing a tight t-shirt, would the hair "poke" through? ......

MONSTER BUG WARS

Best New Insect Show EVER!

as my friend says, "too gruesome" 

How did I even manage to find this show on "The Science Channel" (aka channel 775 on Time Warner Cable). The answer is simple: I just kept pressing the "up button" till I found the title "MONSTER BUG WARS" and clicked on it.
Simple. Duh!

Basically this is a documentary of giant spiders killing other giant spiders (or centipedes, scorpions, cicadas, ants, etc you get the gist). Not only does it have cool sound effects (think of Jaws), my friend actually believed that an attacking insect will sound like an angry rhinoceros.

I have "special" friends...

Anyhoo, here is the video


Recommendation: Not to be watched with your meal.

APPALING NYTIMES ARTICLE Blaming an 11 Year Old Rape Victim for HER OWN Gang-Rape

The NYTIMES just did an appalling coverage of an 11 year old girl being gang-raped by 28 guys. They only discovered that she was raped because they video-taped the whole incident and was showing the video around in school. THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING.

Not only that its a vile story to begin with, it became more appalling because the article stated that townspeople thought that she behaves like somebody who is "asking" to be raped. Yes, an 11 year old girl, a CHILD for god's sake! Even writing this sickens me to death.

Even quoted a townsperson with 'sympathies' towards the rapists, saying "these boys will have to live with this for the rest of their lives."

SERIOUSLY... OF ALL ANGLE YOU CAN WRITE THIS STORY, YOU WRITE IT IN THIS ONE?! The fuck, NYTIMES.


Click for Article Coverage on Jezebel HERE


If you have one minute of your time, please petition here to tell the NYTIMES to apologize for BLAMING A CHILD FOR HER OWN GANG-RAPE.


PETITION HERE!

a wii game that can get you laid

ATTENTION NERDS! There is a Wii game that may get you lucky if you want to impress (?) your significant other. A new unique game called "We Dare" is all about making your boring-ass dinner parties more sexy and flirtatious. 

To play the game, players will have to interact by kissing, stripping, or get on that ass-spanking action. This is the only (fun way) to finish all those 40 mini-games included in the game.   

I swear to jeebus, this shit is real:

I have a Wii, and I don't know if I want people to lick on my remote and stick it up their butts. (unless if its a special occasion [aka NEVER]).... Seriously though, THINK OF THE GERMS! 

But if it was given to me as a present, I'm not gonna turn it down (wink wink). 

Sowwy

A belated apology to my dear friend Tatiana...

As I was browsing through the comments on my blog (one of the way that I justify my existence and enlarge my ego at the same time), she mentioned to me that I have forgotten to promote her blog!

I have promoted her blog work before, but not her actual blog!


To summarize shortly, her blog is about her life in Berlin (which is an awesome city). It includes sex, drugs, and techno music galore. Well, overall, she is an awesome person, probably the most "hard-core" person I've ever personally known.
She is also a proud owner of a Canon G11! C'mon, that reason alone is a valid one to visit her blog!


CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE REALM OF EXCESS!

REALM OF EXCESS IS AWESOME!
TATIANA IS SUUUUPER COOL! -UH, HELLO... I MENTIONED THE CAMERA RIGHT?-
SHE IS BECOMING AN ORGANIC HERBAL WEIRDO! -JOOOOKE-
BUT HER BLOG IS STILL INTERESTING!
BECAUSE HERBAL DOES NOT EQUAL BORING!

I order you to visit it.

Justin Bieber Killed in CSI

I tried researching what exactly is the plot line of this episode, however I still didn't get the gist of it.

If I'm not mistaken, Justin plays a troubled teenager and does something with bombs.

Now, he's finally caught and he's shot... like a bazillion times.


Let's see what the commenters have to say:


"Why did they shoot the van? It didn't do anything wrong..." - djChives95


"Justin Bieber does not know how to shoot a gun. In RL, he would have just sat there and crapped his pants whilst crying and asking for his body gaurds plz" - Basiledes

"91 people thought of suicide before realizing this is a CSI scene" - cassyusbomber

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ." - vampiricgirl15

"This was such a smart move for CSI. The Bieber fans will want to watch the episode to see him, and the Bieber haters will want to watch the episode to see him killed.#Brilliance" - ChateauOfADoubt




Seriously, its really been a Justin Bieber overload... First, there's the 3d movie, then the Grammy's, then a whole bunch of talkshows, now CSI! What the hell is this? An unofficial Bieber week?


Well, now Law & Order can have him to guest star. DUN DUN!

This is Really Unexpected...

So Britney Spears has a new music video... Its for her latest single "Hold it Against Me."

Let's just say its really "interesting."



Besides the product placement galore, WHAT IS THE THEME OF THIS VIDEO?!?!?!

What the hell is that paint thingy out of her hands? Faceless Dancers? Britney vs. Britney kung fu scene??

Confusion is always at my mind... But I am always a Britney fan, so I do like the song.

SYNCHRONIZED GOLDFISH!

I'm having a bad day, and trying to relieve the stress with all these animal videos.

There are some rumors that there are magnets in the fish or they are controlled by electric currents. Because it is general knowledge that goldfish are dumb, so nobody has faith that these goldfish can do amazing tricks. I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

The guy refuses to tell anybody his trick to this aquatic performance.

This Cat is More of a Man, Than Any Man I've Ever Known

CAT-MANIA HAS BEGUN!

Klepto Kitty

If you are wondering why you are missing your toy dinosaur, its KLEPTO KITTY! This cat skulks around in the dark while you sleep, it takes your most valuable things and disappear with it forever.

NEVER SAY NEVAAAAAAAAAR

Yes, I watched it. I'm not gonna give a full scathing review as I fear my life is going to be threatened by the Beliebers...

All I'm going to say is that you should not watch it if you've never heard of his music. As this movie is categorized under the "Musical" genre... and not only that, this movie is in 3D! ITS SERIOUSLY TOO MUCH JUSTIN BIEBER... He is literary IN YOUR FACE for the 1 hour and 45 minutes.

I swear to the universe, three of us felt completely out of place watching this movie. Everyone was kids 17 and under with their parents. Some of the parents were really inappropriate, like squealing when the Bieber took off his shirt....

Erm... Extreme Pedo alert.

Anyways, besides my serious boredom, I actually learned something from the movie: he's a hard-working person and he definitely deserves his fame. Seriously, if that kid doesn't end up as a fucked-up child star, he's gonna be a freakin billionaire.

Time to put some Justin Bieber plugging into this post:

the only song i like, out of the whole movie.

ULTRA LUXURIOUS LUXURY

I'm sorry for the lack of update. But I HAVE to share you this (extremely old) news with you...

If you live in New York City, you might understand how expensive property is here. And when you bitch and moan about how $2100/month for a true 1 bedroom in Greenwich Village is too expensive... I'm gonna shut your face with what EXPENSIVE really means.  *Seriously, people get so shocked and offended to see how much they have to pay out of their salary for a tiny-ass apartment in the "downtown areas". I get that money is hard to earn, but that's the price for the desired areas...  Everyone else pays that much, so why not you?*

So when a super wealthy person tries to acquire a property in New York, they might want to look at luxury condominiums.

But there's luxury condos, and there's ULTRA LUXURY CONDOS.

What I'm talking about is this new development called '200 Eleventh Avenue' in west Chelsea. Let's go to the pictures shall we...

BAM! That's a 24 ft tall ceiling! I don't know which unit this is. But the only available unit that's on sale right now its the Penthouse. Which is going for a cool $12.5 million. more pics here! Maybe you can't see the views, but its of the Hudson river and its SPECTACULAR! 

You're like: "So WHAT?! Its the same as any other luxury buildings, tall ceilings, floor-to-ceiling windows, new construction, 421 tax abatement, concierge service, bladebladebla..."

Me: But this one has an EN SUITE SKY GARAGE. 

You: A sky what? 

I'm going to let the video do the explanation...

BOOM! THERE'S AN ELEVATOR JUST FOR YOUR CAR! 14 out of the 16 units in this building will have a private garage that comes within your own apartment. 

I don't know about you, but I am VERY IMPRESSED with this sky garage stuff. I mean seriously, beyond ridiculous, but I was still in awe. Who drives in New York city anyways?! 

Who lives here you ask? Domenico Dolce of 'Dolce and Gabanna' bought TWO penthouse suites for a cool $29 million. (He combined the two units and created 7000++ sq ft of space...) Then there's Nicole Kidman who is also moving in as a neighbor, and more rich-ass CEO of banks type-of-people. 

Now let us take a moment of silent and cry at how we don't have an en suite sky garage in our own apartments... 

HOWEVER, as much as I love this building... Its still in Chelsea... 

AHAHAHAHAHA!

Job Experiment: SoHo Apartment

Hey, you lovely bitches!
Its your Real Estate P-I-M-P, Debra!

What do I have for you on the rental platter today? A GORGEOUS 1BR UNIT IN THE HEART OF SOHO!

*look how shiny the floor is*

*i know its cut out of the photo, but there's tons of counterspace!*

*sorry, bag in the bathroom is cock-blocking this photo from being perfection*

*every room has its own windows and closet*

Seriously, I have to say that this is one of the more "normal" sized apartment in SoHo I've seen. Not only that, its an ELEVATOR BUILDING with laundry on the premises!

Its $3150 a month and JUST CAME IN THE MARKET TODAY (Jan 19 2011)!

Where is it located you ask? All I can give you as of now its somewhere on Thompson St and Spring St!

I don't know if any of you that's reading my blog is actually interested in renting an apartment in the greatest city in the WOARLD: NEW YORK CITAY! But, if you know somebody, please forward them this link!

I was told by my boss to start blogging about real estate, so now I'm going to shamelessly promote it on my blog... until I get bored... Of course...

Peace out: LINK TO LISTING ---> CLICK HERE

Enrique Iglesias Can Fuck Anybody He Wants too

NSFW.

My friend is not very fond of Enrique for because he poses with a pout:

*actual picture sent from my friend* but what a poser

She said: He really needs to stop looking like that...
Me: But with one look from Enrique, all you wanna do is fuck him

Seriously borderline porno music video. I bet you after all the years he's been releasing music videos, he can finally be blunt and not sing about love or shit or being someone's hero.
Now, he can be like "You! ... Let's fuck!" and a music video is born.

Cats Morphing into Croissants

When crazy cat ladies have nothing better to do... They will think everything looks like a cat...

Is it Delusion of Grandeur or Delusion of TRUTH? ..... I really need to eat now......

Next time when I see an orange-colored cat, all I'm gonna be thinking is off CROISSANTS!

Louis Vuitton Tattoos

OH. MY. ZEUS. 

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN BODY?!?! 

This is why I'm afraid to have kids, because they grow up and potentially do stupid shit like this.

And you know what the worst part is? 

... I bet you that he thinks he's "cool" and all his friends are like "yeah buddy, awesome tattoo!" 

First of all: FUCKING DUMP YO DUMBASS FRIENDS! 

I mean WHAT WAS THE THINKING PROCESS FOR GETTING THIS TATTOO?

• Maybe he wanted a gangsta arm sleeve, but he thought those dragon looking tattoos look so mean! 
• Or maybe he wanted an LV bag, but couldn't afford it... Making him look like a chinatown knockoff...
• Can Louis Vuitton sue him for copyright infringement?

Ok ran out of comments.... BUT! I GOOGLED IT AND THEN I FOUND THIS:

CAN THIS BE CONSIDERED ANIMAL CRUELTY??? 

Apparently, this was considered as "ART" and their skins will be worth a lot of money once the pigs have passed away. 

I have no point in this post, except if it actually inspire one of you to get this tattoo. 

All I ask is: 

PLEASE DON'T! 

SNOWBERNATION PART DEUX

I don't have a part one, but this is the second time that its snowing in NY and EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT!!!!

ARE THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT PREPARED THIS TIME??? (I think so)
WILL THE SUBWAYS BE WORKING??? (Yes, MTA better be prepared)
WHAT KIND OF SNOW IS THIS?! (Wet snow, which means it'll melt when it touches you [saucy])
WHEN WILL IT END???!?!?!?! (This afternoon around 3-4pm)

Again, I'm not going to work again today (SNOWBERNATION MANIA!) ... Don't judge please...



Instead let's do a recap on yesterday's SEASON 3 PREMIERE OF JERSEY SHORE!!!
FIST PUMP PARTY! 

There's a new cast member called Deena, she's Snooki's "BFF"

Sammi doesn't like any of the girls ("whorebags")

Sammi and Ronny are STILL together (yawn), it must be true love

Lots of drinking ensued

Deena got naked in front of the Situation 'accidentally'

For once the Situation held his dick and didn't bone anything

Deena wanted to "have fun" with the Situation, but he's not up for it

Sammi laughed at her for being "stupid" 

Deena called Sammy a c***

Ronnie went into ROID-RAGE

Sammi started yelling at Deena

Snooki started yelling at everyone

Jwoww got pissed off

Sammi is still pissed off at Jwoww: which ensued to...

BITCH FIGHT! PUNCH IN DA FACE!

BITCH FIGHT! YANK HAIR OFF DA SCALP!

BITCH FIGHT! ON DA FLOOR!

Then: EPISODE WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK
BOOOOOOO! But so far, so good!
Watch it all on www.mtv.com
Recap over and I'm OUT!

Happy Belated New Year! Please, Hand Me Some More Champagne... PLEASE

Hello there readers!

Let's finish our formalities, and say HAPPY NEW YEAR! If you want to give me something to begin your year with generosity and gratuity, then you can give me a bottle of wine/champagne so I can continue my alcoholic consumption through February... YAY! MORE PRESENTS FOR ME!

I have been very LAZY lately. Yes, that is the only reason why I haven't been updating this blog... Not because I'm super busy in my Real Estate job (even though it is quite stressful), not because I have an awesome social life in which I "party and get fucked up" every night and can't write because I'm too hungover... (I WISH!)

For serious, I'm currently writing from a Korean Spa in New Jersey...

LAZINESS WILL BE THE PLIGHT OF MY DOOM!!!


ANYWAYS! The reason I'm back is because I got a request from (who/m? shall be) an anonymous reader:

So freakin bored and your blog works on my work. Dude...write more!
Anyway, I got into WoW *[World of Warcraft]*(I'm super serious...fucking sad.) so now I'm appreciating the South Park episode on WoW so much more. Did you know I got a wrist injury from playing? How sad am I?

That is really sad, "anonymous" reader... However, carpal tunnel syndrome is not a laughing matter (but we should all laugh anyways) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Its ok though, I'm currently really into my 'Smurf Village' on my iPad. Actually, I've been really into my iPad lately... I spent 96 hours straight on 'Plants vs Zombies' (Best Game EVER!) and COMPLETED THAT SHIT!

yeah, you bet I'm proud of myself

If only I apply the same kind of enthusiasm to my Real Estate job... You can be sure I'll be making deals after deals and be partying every night and making it FUCKING RAIN IN DA CLUBZ!

....................... If not then I'll just make it rain on my friend's cat and turn it into a wonderful fat-cat bankers calendar series............. Both are equally good of an option for this year's resolution. AGAIN, I HAVE CAME UPON A WIN-WIN SITUATION!

2011 will be an awesome year for me!

Ok time to get back to my sauna napping time. Ciao darlings.