Butter

Ty Burrell (awkward dad in 'Modern Family') is in final negotiations for a lead in an upcoming movie called "Butter." What can this film named after a delicious pale yellow fatty substance is about? Butter carving. If you could look at me in the eyes, I am seriously staring at you about how serious I am. Are you confused? Good. 

*pass me the butter... wait...

The plot follows "a butter-carving champ (Burrell) who’s forced to step down, leading his wife (Jennifer Garner) to begin training in hopes of becoming the new champ." I didn't even know there was such a thing as a butter-carving contest till the magical search engine known as Google found me some links.... Now I have an idea: 


Dear FANS, 
Next year for my birthday, instead of the originally planned ice sculpture of a pegasus you were planning to make for me, I would want a butter carving of one instead. That's all. Thank you. 


"Love,"
D.A.