As the first part in a series on great TV characters, one needs to look no further than Lucille Bluth of Arrested Development. Although all the characters are hilariously written, Lucille is perhaps the most underrated of the Bluths.
She is by no means just some substance abusing matriarch (her breakfast is a few vodkas, with a small side of toast) with the neck of a twenty year old. What makes her so great is her brilliance at manipulating people and situations, along with her acid tongue. Her insane image consciousness and ambition to wrest and maintain control of her family and their company make for some of the funniest and most fascinating television in years, showing the inherent insanity and hilarity in politicking. Everything from her domination of her socially inept son Buster, to her vicious barbs that she reserves for her lay about daughter Lindsay make her one of the most compelling characters on the show.
One of the great TV villainesses.
- By Chareth Cutestory
(K fine, I'll write less...also big surprise judging by my blogger name that I like AD huh?)
I really didn’t want to like this book, but I did.
The book I’m referring to is “The Game,” by Neil Strauss. It was introduced to me as a book that teaches guys how to pick up girls. One of the tricks in the book included insulting women.
After hearing this, I obviously didn’t want to like it. I read it out of curiosity and determined to go through everything written and say “this would never work on me or anyone I know.”
Sadly, I have to admit, “The Game” is really well written. But it’s also not what I expected. It’s an autobiography of Style or even an anthropological study of a weird sect/cult (of Pick Up Artists), not a How-To book. I have to confess I couldn’t put it down.
The story starts with Neil Strauss, a man who has terrible skills at meeting women, he ends up becoming Style, an amazing Pick Up Guru, teaching desperate men how to pick up women. The results are TERRIFYING.
To my shock a lot of the techniques taught make sense. “The Game” explains how men can have conversations with women who would normally not give them the time of day, how to flirt with them and end up sleeping with them.
One way these men can initiate contact with a woman is by talking to all her friends while kind of ignoring her and making fun of her. *Editor's Note: ASSWIPE!
The guys learn how to be two steps ahead of women. This “5 questions” game, is an example of that.
One of the ways they escalate physical interaction is by “going two steps forward, one step back.” And if they’re at an apartment, they do a “Freeze Out.” So they basically chill out and watch TV while ignoring the girl until she’s desperate to sleep with him.
First off I just have to say that I've blogged 3 times since last week, and D.A. should be really happy - or annoyed, since my posts are quite useless. Anyway, it's been a whole week! I have honestly not watched a single channel or show on TV this past week and I'm really proud of myself.
I was telling my friend how I felt really really lonely at some point because I couldn't turn on or watch TV, and he replied with a subtle "are you serious? that's fucked up." Come to think of it, I guess it is. We usually become lonely when we don't have anyone to talk to, or maybe when people come to stay over and then leave. But is it really that weird? I really don't mind not having people around and watching the TV. I don't mind not hearing any other voices, and I don't find it weird that the only sound I can hear is the TV's. I'm sure if you read this blog you probably watch a lot of TV. Why don't you try it? See if you feel the same way
Anyway, I have a huge child psychology exam tomorrow and I'm 4 chapters behind on the reading. I really don't have time for this
I'll just end this post with a quote I heard not so long ago:
"Money isn't everything. But it is easier to cry in a limousine than in a taxi"
That now well-known "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" Old Spice commercial was all taken in ONE SHOT, over a period of three days! AND... ITS NOT EVEN CGI-ed! Ok, fine, maybe the diamonds on his hand was computer generated, but the rest was just plain crazy set contraptions. Above is a detailed, behind the scenes look for this commercial for those who really wanted to know how they really put him "on a horse." By him, I mean actor Isaiah Mustafa.
Tiger Wood's "Apology" is a big giant SNORE FEST! AND ITS 13 MINUTES LONG! If you can't be bothered to watch that shiz, here's basically what he said: "I'm sorry."
Drama in Men's Figure skating championship. Plushenko's bitch face during the medal ceremony was the creme de la creme of the whole thing. I still heart JOHNNY (6th is still better than 7th). Evan Lysacek won the gold, if you care.
Freddie Prinze Jr. denies rumors of him being the next Jack Bauer. Thank Jeebus. -E!Online WWK
I know I'm late to this press release, but here's the new GLEE SNEAK PEEK for the new season. I have to sell my soul a bit sometimes to please some of my readerships.
The first three days were quite hard, but today wasn't so bad. I started watching youtube a lot, and I've been going to the library more, which is good. In fact, I'm in the library right now ^_^
I was reading the posts made by some of my fellow contributors (competition), and I realized how amazing their writing skills are, what with their 10-dollar words and serious wit, I feel like I have to up my game. I couldn't finish reading mrcutestory's essay (dude/girl, you serious?) because it was too long and intelligent sounding, and in the middle of reading scaramouche's entry I also, became tipsy. In my country, we have a saying "nga mau kalah," which literally means "don't want to lose," and I won't. So to challenge them I have my very own 10-dollar word of the day:
Pikachu Meaning 1 : A yellow wombat Pokemon that Ash likes to carry around Meaning 2 : A vagina
e.g. "OMG, pikachu is soooooo cute with those round cheeks!" "Dude, I saw her pikachu like, 10 times. Trust me, it ain't fresh"
So... Lent starts today, and instead of having ash rubbed on my forehead, I have decided to give up TV until Easter. Most of it's because I've spent 6-10 hours straight watching TV marathons (I've upgraded to a more sophisticated taste, eg. Law and Order, SVU, George Lopez Show -_-) and my studies have sucked beyond belief. So yeah. who knows, maybe ill watch less TV in the future because of this. Which is sort of ironic since I'm contributing to the blog. Oh well
As Per D's request, I will (try) to post my sufferings daily, but I know I probably won't, so let's just say I tried.
Also: 1. I am only NOT allowed to watch TV in my apt. Exceptions are if I watch TV at someone else's (which is unlikely, since I usually stay in my apt, all alone. But whatever, we'll see how strong the urge is) 2. If it's on the Computer/Laptop it doesn't count. 3. If there's a worldwide/personal emergency, I will be allowed to watch the news. 4. XBOX is okay. 5. If people come over and they want to watch, I really can't stop them, so yeah. 6. If I get scared anytime during the night, I am allowed to turn on the TV for companion, although I won't be watching it, just be in its presence while trying to sleep.
So... yeah.
It's 8:29 pm right now. I am at home, no TV sounds can be heard - it's really quiet
Snowpocalypse 2010 part II is here again today in New York City, and like many people, I have a problem with having snow being blown into my face (no pun intended).
However, once upon a late night on Spike TV, we stumbled upon this product that is a MUST HAVE for those who doesn't like a white facial. Its called the Exo-Pro and it makes you look like a bank robber (oooh, so dreamy!)
"What happens if its going to clash with my outfit?" you ask... FEAR NOT, it comes in 6 beautiful colors! Yes, you can choose between black, red, blue, green, white, and camo color! Did you forget to give a Valentine's gift to your lover? Fear not, this will guarantee to get you laid. (Guarantee is not real, please do not contact me if it doesn't work).
Or this could also be a new S&M face gag device... Same difference.
Yesterday, I made a statement (and a whiplash) to my contributors, and 3 hours later, I've got two massive posts from them. (At the moment, I do feel somewhat effective as a "boss" and must say that I quite like it.) This is good for what's left of my ego, it makes me feel like a debonair cat.
One looks like college essay about the demise of Glee, ESSAY! Mr. Cutestory, no wonder it took a week to write, you don't need to put THAT much effort into a post. Seriously, its making me look bad (joke, but not really). Its very well written and if any of you love or hate Glee, go read this in depth analysis by Chareth Cutestory below. It can double up as a media class essay, if you ever wanted to take one. And then scaramouche... I have nothing to say to you, but I'll come over and assist on building the IKEA sofa...
A variety of factors have culminated in me being a tiny bit tipsy tonight. (Below, in no particular order)
1) IKEA: More specifically, the dismembered pieces of an IKEA couch that are inhabiting-- no, TAKING OVER-- my living room. IKEA is deceptive. It fools you into thinking you will receive a piece of furniture in one piece..but no...it requires assembly skills and tools which I DO NOT HAVE!
2) BEER: two beers. yes, two. I realize that's pathetic. It's been a long day. and keep in mind I'm smaller than the average garden gnome. Well, not that small, but I'm realizing people quite frequently use me as a thing on which to lean. (You know you who you are....)
3) HOME AND AWAY: For anyone familiar with this Australian soap opera, you know how utterly terrible it is. For anyone not familiar, stay away, I beg you, you risk losing many things, such as your brain cells and your integrity. (I didn't watch this by choice, I had to write a survey about it at work.)
In conclusion, my apologies for any blatant typos. or brain snafus. (Did you know that snafu is; Situation Normal: All Fucked Up? I didn't, until I googled it just now) At least there is a fresh package of Ikea meatballs in my freezer to warm my cold heart. (note, this is not a product placement attempt for Ikea, please don't mistake it as such since my relationship with it is fraught with emotions right now)
On to more important things. such as, RICKY GERVAIS> (from; The Office (the one w/out Steve Carell), that movie with the guy who can see the dead people that's not the movie with the kid that can see dead people, the Golden Globes, The Invention of Lying, Extras, etc)
Now, he is coming to HBO, with Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington in tow, with a deceivingly simple idea (like that IKEA couch I told you about)- an animated version of podcasts featuring discussions between the three of them. These discussions feature subjects such as, a sex-simulating machine, peeking at another man's genitalia in the locker rooms, peeking at a two-headed man's genitalia in a locker room, to be more specific, and bungee jumping before you reach the age of 78.
What do I mean by a televisional equivalent of a beer that’s made effectively enough, but ultimately is derivative and unsatisfying? Precisely that.
Over the course of its first season, Glee has somehow managed to create a flurry of praise and a cult following. Even I was enticed at first by their well crafted showmanship and creative remixes of songs (especially their mash up). But by the 2/5 mark of the season, the show basically showed it was just a series of repeats. Will’s wife somehow managing at every turn to hide her pregnancy from her husband; Finn unrealistically dealing with his football and glee club commitments; Rachel trying to find a balance between her personal aspirations and becoming a better team player; Sue using all sorts of underhanded tactics to excise threats to her own interests. Same over and over again.
But while shows like 30 Rock, Arrested Development and Seinfeld create worlds in which there is full acknowledgement that their characters are essentially cartoon characters that are not supposed to grow, the idea of Glee is that these characters, in spite of inhabiting a world of song and dance, are supposed to evolve, and are supposed to change. Because they’re in high school, things happen and there are supposed to be consequences. But they don’t, barring a few last and penultimate episodes so far that twist and big reveals happen. Yes, Will does finally realize his wife and her sister are utterly reprehensible and that he needs to take more charge of his home life. Yes, Sue finally gets what’s coming to her after all of her machinations. Yes, Rachel finally understands more and more what it means to be a team player. But the evolution of these characters is not shown effectively. Will needs a giant metaphorical kick in the groin to realize how out of touch he is. Sue only in the very last episode of the season so far gets significantly reprimanded, in spite of the unethical and borderline criminal choices and actions she has executed. Rachel does become more of a team player, but the process is not shown effectively, she does not convey how and why she progressively realizes the importance of the glee club being a club and not a one woman show.
Perhaps this is the curse of the musical genre, to forsake effectively presented character development for the sake of the musical numbers. But look at a movie like Cabaret, where Sally Bowles and Brian Roberts realize progressively over the course of the film what kinds of people they are, and what choices they have to make, and that their fates are doomed in their own ways. Their characters are interesting, three dimensional, and they evolve. Not to mention that the music is both catchy and entertaining. And call me crazy, but the environment of the rise of Nazism in a fading Weimar Germany seems to be a far more pernicious place than a contemporary Midwestern American high school. And considering how much Glee makes high school out to be a battlefield, the characters don’t seem to be going through too much change and don’t seem to be wising up to deal with changing developments in their struggles.
As none of you might have known, I have FOUR GODDAMN CONTRIBUTORS on my "roll." Let me break down on how many posts they have written EVER since the blog started:
scaramouche: 4 (soon to be, one is due TONIGHT)
woah!nerdy: 3
Bustagut: 0
charethcutestory: ALSO 0! (my newest additional contributor)
Yes, they will get a load of shitstorm from me RIGHT NOW. I am one unhappy "editor" who is currently PMS-ing like a fucking tornado. The reason why I have SO MANY contributors is so ONCE IN A WHILE, they could help in contributing. 7 out of 211 posts = 3.3%! REALLY? If I was your professor, all of you COMBINED gets a BIG GIANT FAIL! Look, I want one post a month from each of you! If I don't see one by the end of February from any of you. Basically, ADIOS MUCHACHOS! Obviously you don't care, so I don't either. FIring people is fun.
Happy Valentine's Day to all, if you choose not to participate in this "holiday," then LUCKILY FOR YOU it is also Chinese New Year! 2 for the price of 1! I do feel sorry for newlyweds, if they have to participate on both holidays. As they would have to spend money on each other's gift, and also I will be knocking on your doors to receive my red packets. You are welcome.
I was on a "Cougar Town" marathon yesterday, seriously like 10 episodes in a row (DON'T), and they actually had a funny suggestion for those who loathes Valentine's day: Buy up all the Valentine's day card at your nearest drug store and watch the forgetful husbands/boyfriends panic. I know one of you've done it, don't lie!
Maybe you can swoon her back with this song:
Or maybe you'll have the same fate as the cherub in the picture above... Good luck everyone.
I saw a promotional commercial for a Curling event... "Watch it tonight..." PASS!
On the other side of the spectrum, there's FIGURE SKATING BONANZA! Bitches, are we ready to watch this affair of drama and flair? (SCREAM YES!) My brain is in the super-fritz-zone today, but there is a Winter Olympic to report all of you about and there, I've done it. I think watching continous twirling today will actually make me hurl.
I'll pass on watching things that are having a lot of motion. Yes, this is a new low for me. Deal with it!
Ladies of the world, I have found the man of your dreams!
Well, more like Old Spice thought they have found the PERFECT Hunk of a man for us to drool over. Girl, he is damn fine.
To regrettably inform you readers: I am one of those girls that loves the smell of Old Spice. Yes, before you start going on a rant on how I have "poor taste" in quality of body soap, you all go ahead and remember that jock-crush of yours in school. After (insert sports) class/practice/game they'll all head to the shower room, and they always get out smelling like something that would make you wanna sniff them REAL CLOSE. Damn, good times.
During those sensitive transitioning age, guys usually either wear Old Spice or Axe (well at least in my generation they do)... And you all know that anybody wearing Axe is just a poser wannabe. Plus, Old Spice has always better commercials than Axe, by Infinity... +1. Case in point, watch ad above.
For those enough that are "brave" enough to venture outside in this weather, you deserve a medal for either bravery or plain stupidity. Nature is warning you to stay indoors, but I know there's gonna be a giant snowball fight somewhere tonight. AWESOME! It is SNOWPOCALYPSE going on (Gawker should trademark that word)! People, if you are asking: "Oh dear TV blogger, I am stuck at home and I don't know what to watch. Can you recommend me something.
YES I CAN! Spring television just premiered about a month ago, so go to Hulu or OVGuide and start watching either of the following things:
White Collar
Psych
Lost
Chuck
How I Met Your Mother
House
Bored to Death
Archer
Modern Family
What NOT TO WATCH:
CASTLE... Seriously, we don't need anymore detective shows that is a poor man's version of CSI.
Spartacus: Blood and Sand. What the hell is this show... I saw the first 15 minutes and was like... ur... NO.
Yes I realize that they are almost all network shows, but this stuff is usually good for a frozen brain. No thinking is required and probably good to watch with a hit of the good stuff. Put your popcorn in the microwave and turn your heater up. Snuggle in your sofa and you are set for the rest of the day.
(Left: I don't know. Right: Guy from Sony commercials)
With an astronomical price of $2.8 million for EACH 30 second commercial. This is the most expensive television event every year. The Super Bowl has arrived again this year, and I still don't know which teams are playing to win the grand title. I know they're called the "Colts" and "Saints"... but from which state do they represent, I have no fucking idea. Nor do I care.
However, I would most likely be watching it for the commercials and also for a reason to drink beer and eat chicken wings! Please, with full intention, get fucking drunk tonight. But, like all those alcohol commercials out there: "PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY!" If your team loses, don't get drunk and try to take your emotions out on a person or a car. Some car alarms in my neighborhood are ridiculously sensitive, loud and they last for at least 5 minutes with each deafening episodes.
Shouldn't Holland or someone in charge of the Van Gogh estate bring some kind of an uproar to this commercial? Even though I secretly wish there is such a thing as "Van Goghgurt," I have to say nay on this PSA. "Feed your kids the arts!" And they might find an ear to eat.
Back to the fake-dairy product-commercial, he's too smiley for a person that went through life with a case of severe depression:
He chopped his ear off and gave it to a prostitute (oh what a wonderful present to receive!)
He shot himself in the chest without realizing that it might be fatal... So he died two days later of natural causes from a gunshot wound (aka bleeding to death).
About 10% of her shoe collection -(Estimation made from my mind)
Lindsay Lohan had just made an appearance on "The Insider" to tell the WORLD that she might be a "hoarder." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HER FOR THIS??? She is the gift that keeps giving! You MUST see this "EXCLUSIVE!" clip on how somebody (that cares) might give her an "intervention" about her "hoarding" problem.
After seeing this, to be honest, I'm actually kind of jealous that she has space to store all those SHOES! Yes, I understand that I have a problem when I'm envious of Lindsay Lohan's issues. However, in my defense, this is one of her better "issues" that she has... So, I am now JUSTIFIED!
Again, this might be NSFW, but I mean they showed it on primetime television, so it should be definitely safe for work, but not your eyes... Danny, the winner from "The Biggest Loser," went on another television show called "The Doctors" to get some consultation on what he should do with his excess skin. So, he lifted up his shirt and... Yeah, there's like a good foot-long of extra skin that's just hanging around. Its basically nudity, but since its moobs, they don't need to censor those... DOUBLE STANDARDS! Well, since it looks more like deflated moobs, I don't know if you can still categorize them as "moobs." But are moobs better than no boobs? If you really have strong opinions about this, leave it at the comments.
So, as a friend was telling me that the new season of Lost was premiering last night... Yes, this will be their FINAL SEASON! Finally, an end to a giant vomit mess! I told her I stopped watching that show 2 years ago when all the people I cared about started dying one by one. JJ Abrams broke my heart, and I don't think I'm ready to dive back into his ever so loving wonderful shows. On top of that, there was the part on how confusing this show has became: Time travel? Another dimension? Smoke monster? Talking to dead people? MORE dead people? I need to stop typing as I'm giving myself a self-induced vertigo. She then told me that the producers specifically designed the premiere episode so people would get the basic gist of the show even though if they are as clueless as I am.
Okay, so I voluntarily took the challenge and watched it.
The VERDICT: STILL CONFUSING AS FUCK!
Whatever, the best thing about Lost is when some Bolivian news team thought that the plane crash was real: True story.
P.S.: If you ever want to see the Island's geography in subway map formation. CLICK HERE
The Grammy's was on last night. I know tons of blog are doing a "live blogging" special usually, but that's not going to happen here. As because I don't know how to do it... Yes, I'm a total n00b at this thing. However, only able to endure watching half of the show because it got REAL BORING by the end. I must say that its not as bad as the previous Grammy awards. At least there were performances from Elton John with Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Black Eye Peas, Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks, Pink (oh she was butt naked in it) and BLABLABLABLA. Going back on the performer known as Pink, did you see what she was wearing at her performance?
White ribbons and glitter with a sheer nude bodysuit, not only she looks like a naked unicorn trapped in a river, but Venus William got some competition (see below). So bullet points on last night's music siesta:
Taylor Swift wearing another sparkly dress
Kings of Leon won Best Record of the Year (Surprise of the night)
Beyonce won 6, Taylor Swift won 4, and Lady Gaga won 2 Grammys
Some kind of Michael Jackson memorial in the Three Dimension (aka 3D)
