Hater Alert!

"Sooooo....Sookie gets gets killed in the beginning of episode 3 and then is resurrected at the end by some mystical vampire ritual...there you go folks..stay tuned for next weeks updates! haha

-Anon. ;)

(god that show sucks)"

This was a comment that was posted on the Wheat Vandalism entry below, and it happens to be a FUCKING FAKE SPOILER ALERT on the upcoming episode of True Blood. I am currently in Hong Kong and because of the 12 hours difference, it has been quite difficult for me to keep up with the shows. Although my service apartment provides me with HBO, they've provided me with HBOAsia... not exactly the same thing. So after I came back from "work," I was SUPER EXCITED that I was FINALLY going to be able to watch it online, but unfortunately the first thing I saw when I went online was this comment. *I don't get that many comments, so I get psyched up when somebody comments on an post. Yes, I know I'm a loser. 

Not only do I know this "Anon" (renaming him into HaterJerkWad), we have an agreement of NO CONTACT for a certain duration of time, and this is an obvious breach of contract. If it would've been "Hi, how are you doing?" Maybe I would've been so angry, but you fuck with my TV, I'm gonna SUE. RAWR! You better be scared AND RUNNING. 

Ok, maybe I overreacted a little bit. I'm just really tired and hungry. 

Here's a super short recap of Episode 3:

• Sookie DOES NOT DIE (as I just watched the episode) 
• Lafayette still lives on (hurrah!) 
• Just when you think Jason is getting smarter, his brain detects too much activity and goes into meltdown. Till now, Jason is still consistently a dumbass (a gorgeous one though). 
• BOOBIES GALORE EPISODE...!!!  
• Is it just me or is the show getting a little bit cheesy? 
  

As to HaterJerkWad:  I KNOW that you haven't watched a single episode, so please go educate yourself HERE.

My new favorite character is Jessica, watch her at the 1:33 mark: 

Groundbreaking News on Wheat Vandalism

MORE EVIDENCE proving that alien doesn't create crop circles! (insert "AH-HA I told you soooo") Would you guess that the animal above is responsible for some of the crop circles in Australia? These crazy-ass WALLABIES are responsible for such great art (when an animal does it, its all innocent and arty, not vandalism). APPARENTLY, Wallabies have been breaking into Australia's finest poppy fields and been eating that shit as food. Yummy-yum nutritious. So they get high and go into a trance and start hopping around the field creating "crop circles." 

One of the representative bitches said ""The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," 

*Not actual Wallaby Art, but I was really hoping it looked like this

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC NEEDS TO PUT A 24 HOURS LIVE-FEED SURVEILLANCE OF THE FIELDS! Then finally maybe somebody can beat that Kruger extravaganza thing. What am I talking about? Nobody can beat that insane animal sighting. I went to South Africa TWICE and not once did I see anything as awesome as that.  

ANYWAYS, did you know that Australia supplies 50% of the world's legally-grown opium? Paging all addicts: there's a new country you can invade. Don't be jealous of the Wallabies, be A WALLABY. 

*Thanks Kora

RAAAAAWWWRRR!!!

I am jet-lagged therefore I am FUCKING CRANKY! Spoken like a true philosopher. I probably wouldn't have a problem with all the lack of sleep if MY MOTHER WOULD FUCKING STOP CALLING MY ROOM. 8 CALLS IN A DAY?? REALLY??????!!!!!!!!!!!! And its not like the ringtone is pleasant, the volume ASCENDS with every ring. So, the longer you ignore it, the louder it will be. I don't know what's worst, listening to that ringtone or talking to my mother.

I have fantasies about throwing the phone outside my 45th floor window, so it would plunge into its death. Or even better, smashing it with a baseball bat. I'm not a violent person, but this phone is really a FUCKING NIGHTMARE and is making me turn into GODZILLA ON PMS (RAWR). 

I haven't had proper sleep in the last 3 days, all my sleeping period has been maximum 4 hours each before I wake up from THE FUCKING PHONE or from my FUCKING JET LAG. Oh, what's even better? Someone in the building has just been diagnosed with the swine, so they're closing gym and the pool for the next 2 days for "deep cleaning." Greatness.

Ok, the phone just rang again, I don't know how long I can keep up with this anymore, even life is not worth this torture. All I want is to just sleep in peace, is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Michael Jackson Passed Away...

I know, I can't believe it either. This is just too sad. I have jet lag and just woke up to be exposed to this horrendous news. I don't have much to say about it as I am still in shock but, we really have lost a legend. Rest in Peace Michael. 

Read all the details here. 

This is the Reason Why You Don't Have Salad in Your Diet

Because you don't own the magnificent technology known as "Slap Chop." Vince here is convinced that this machine will make "America skinny again, one slap at a time." DOUBTFUL. 

If you're wondering why he's familiar, its because he's the ShamWow guy. Just watch this commercial below and you'll be calling the number ASAP. If you call in the "next 10 minutes," you also get the Graty which could grate cheese for "tacos, fettucini, linguine, martini, bikini..." I'm having what he's having please, I want to become a poet like him. 

Some other words of wisdom: 

"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Indeed Vince, indeed... 

When chopping onions, you should use the slap chop because "Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry anymore."

Do you also know that Vince speaks Spanish?

*Thanks Pey

You Chose the Wrong Guy...

VH1, home to all the quality shows in the universe, announced that they are looking for women to be on the show called "Entertainer of Love." That's right, his real name is Frank and he was in I Love New York and I Love Money. 

For once VH1, I really think you guys have chosen the wrong guy. Unless the Entertainer would have a challenge involving toe-sucking competition (even I might not be able to stomach that), I'm not going to watch it. That's right, for once I'm putting my foot down and let myself have some dignity. 

It should've been 12 Pack of Love or even better FOX OF LOVE. That dumbass does deserve his own show, I would WATCH that shit for sure, no questions asked. 

Here is Fox in all his glory: when Daisy asked him is he's 100% single... His response was "I'm one hundred and ten point fifteen point five percent (110.15.5%)" single. I didn't even know two points could even exist in the same numerical value. Or is that actually (110/15/5)/100? Wow, I feel like I just surpassed in Fox's retardedness, this means that his stupidity is CONTAGIOUS. Watch the clip below with a surgeon's mask (this has been an official warning from the IAJ's Department of Brain Disability). 

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

DRUNKZ BLOGGING: Your Favorite team returns for the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ!!!!!!!!

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! BLOG READERS OF THE MIGHTY D:

drunks blogging is back, and I, Tatiana, will be blogging in red! First of all, I want to defend myself by saying I NEVER watch BRAVO! I barely even watched TV when I was in college. I would just submit to D's VH1 enforcements (her word is feared.... she's an aries... trust me, she's in charge). But now I've graduated, and I'm unemployed, and I went to Jersey last weekend and I was INCREDIBLY amused by the local Garden State residents. I needed some follow-up for my encounter with these kids. Then, I twisted my foot and I got house-locked, which got me even more engrossed in the show. Since I started watching the show, I loved Jaqueline. She's sweet and she's the most beautiful one on the show. She's not fake and she doesn't talk with that HORRENDOUS jersey accent. She wasn't as entertaining as Danielle or Dina or Caroline (can I just say that that "thick as thieves" was played multiple times on D's TiVo... oh, entertainment this century!) Still, this show is different, over time I have developed a little something for each person on the show:

-Danielle: Personally, I hate her character. I wouldn't be friends with her in a million years. She's an attention whore. Plain and SiMPLE. However, I have sympathy for the poor skank. Everyone's turned on her (Except for the kind hearted Jackie –man, I <3>

- Caroline: This chick has power! I mean, this episode went down, and she was like Solomon (administering speech time and defense space).

-Dina: She has a good head on her shoulder. she has good education principles for her daughter...until she decided to quit her job. I'm sorry, but that's where you lost me sweety. I don't think you should quit working, you save too much time for gossip as it is. YOU SHOULD CUT INTO YOUR "GF GOSSIP TIME" NOT INTO YOUR WORK TIME. Work is what gives people a reason to get up in the morning. (In fact it was proven that people with jobs live longer)

Euhm... Teresa, I have nothing good to say about her. I never liked airheads. She's raising the next generation's Paris Hilton. Period. I'm pretty sure her daughter's going to be a whore next year. Yeah, she's 10, but her path is on an express track to slutsville. She's slap-worthy!

The only thing that bothers me about Jaqueline is her ungrateful daugther ASHLEY. I don't hate anyone on the show as much as I do her. She ABUSES her mother's kindeness. She needs a good spanking and a military boot camp retreat. Oh and did I mention she needs SPANKING!?!?!?!??! She doesn't deserve a car. My own sister had to be in the top 3% of her class before she even got a Volkswagon. Seriously, what is Ashley... ok ok, I have to leave room for the much celebrated blogger herself now before I produce more material for the Jaqueline FAN CLUB and the Ashley HATE CLUB (PS: I think Jackie's husband is also THA BOMB!)

Whatever, she totally like added Jacqueline on facebook, let's hope that they'll become BFFs (heartz)! I have no more to say as I'm pretty sure Tatiana has gone through a comprehensive recap of this season finale and she has done a pretty damn good job too! Ok, too drunk and tired for this, I'll update more later tomorrow morning. BLURGH. 

WTF Geico?

Because of your wonderful commercials plugged everywhere on EVERY GODDAMN channel, this song has been stuck in my head for the last 96 hours, really thank you... This is a good remix of the oldie song called "Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell feat. Michael Jackson. Basically a song for someone diagnosed with paranoia disorder.

So why does the money have eyes? Is the money going to stalk you until you switch to Geico? That "money that you could be saving" is technically a $5 bill put on top of monopoly money with googeley eyes attached to it. So don't buy into the commercials too fast you guys. WATEVS. 

Here's the commercial:

Dear Geico,

Could you please make some commercials that are a little bit more straight to the point? When you first came out with those gecko and caveman commercials, it took me MONTHS to figure out that you were selling CAR INSURANCE. SNORE FEST, I know you're trying to attract the younger customers and make car insurance snazzy, but seriously, enough with abusing those cavemen. 

I have to admit that even though I'm always confused about your commercials, it is still annoyingly effective (as I do use Geico for my car insurance). Your company has inspired me to do my next unemployment project, which is putting googeley-eyes on a stack of money, pillows, clothing articles, camera, etc. So thank you for that. I have now went way off tangent and now completely forgotten what I'm suppose to write... Erm, I hope your business prosper in these hard times. 

Here's the song:

Actually this song perfectly reflects how I feel like in the past few days, "I always feel like, somebody's watching me and I have no privacy. (OH WOW OH)" 

BACK OFF YOU WEIRDO STALKER, BACK OFF. 

And on WAY MORE OFF TOPIC ARTS AND CRAFT PROJECTS: If you don't feel like doing it to monetary paper, do it to your plants. 

PSYCHING OUT: Stripper Edition

I was just having my one-on-one time with my television tonight, and all of the sudden I saw "G-String Divas" on my HBO listing. Did I watch it? HELL YES! Why wouldn't I? I pay good money for these premium babies, I'm gonna milk all the shows till its dry. Also, I know somewhere deep inside me, I'm a natural born ho (or a pervert).

*Chrissy the ex-therapist

No, it wasn't porno, it was a documentary following the lives of strippers. And one of the strippers (Chrissy) has a MASTERS in psychology and actually started therapy work before becoming an exotic dancer. What crossed through my mind was: is it that horrible to become a therapist that you have to resort to stripping? Or maybe therapy is alright, but by stripping, is it in itself a form of therapy for both you and your customers? 

As a psychology major graduate, I was thinking if this is a sign from the Universe of what is becoming of my future. BOM-CHIKA-WAW-WAW!

On more totally unretardedness issues: HELP MAKE POLE DANCING AN OFFICIAL SPORT IN THE 2012 OLYMPICS! Some MORMON women are petitioning it to become a klassified event in the near future. Mormon and pole dancing? Don't ask, just make it happen.

T-52 Hours Till...

TRUE BLOOD SEASON 2 PREMIERE!!!! YES, I'M UBERLY SUPREMELY EXCITED FOR IT, but not as excited as she is...

And you all know that True Blood kicks Twilight's ass ANY DAY OF THE YEAR! THAT'S RIGHT, I brought it.

*As requested by Tala

Is She Really Going Out With Him?

Is a new show brought to you by the creator of HotChickswithDouchebags.com

Reeks of a Tool Academy rip-off everywhere, but still, I feel like we should watch this "documentary" to observe and learn this catastrophic pandemic sweeping the nation. (Up yours swine flu!)

To all the ladies out there, if you don't like your douchy boyfriends, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I don't think that one is born to become a douchebag, but this behavior is mostly stemming from an environmental type. So STOP nurturing these douches and STOP giving them positive reinforcement, because the more that you hot chicks are dating these douches, the more guys will try to FOLLOW AND COPY THESE MONSTROSITY. 

But then again, I'm still going to watch this show. I have a love/hate relationship with douchebags and therefore forever trapped in my own vicious cycle of cognitive dissonance. I'm going to drink some Jagermeister now. 

Here's a clip:

Is She Really Going Out With Him? - MTV Shows

MOMENTOUS TIME OF MY LIFE

I.finally.got.BRAVO.

After negotiating with my Time Warner Cable representative, I was able to receive (many more) additional channels with lower prices. Do you know why I did this? I was so sick not being able to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey that I finally CAVED. I thought I could live without Bravo, but the sad reality of life-after-graduation has hit me hard and I'm frequently tempted by all those channels that I do not have. Also, they didn't give me FX before (yes, you may *gasp* now). 

Another reason why I didn't do this sooner, is because I was scared of those Time Warner bitches. I complained once before and they didn't do anything for  me, and I just let it be. (Yes, I'm chicken-shit when it comes to "confrontation"). Thanks to the advice of my viewerships, I called in to cancel their services (this is the trick you guys), and when they ask you why you're canceling, just say that "I'm switching to another cable network." And the rest is history. 

DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that this method will always work. If you happen to get a representative on a bad day, they might actually go ahead and cancel all your services and within minutes you might not have cable/internet/phone services. Then you are semi-FUCKED and may start to panic a little bit. But DON'T WORRY, you can always call back again and have your cable up and running ASAP (its always a different representative). The chances of that happening is really low since they are DESPERATE to cling on to their clients. Trust me, D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. Their desperation is the key towards my happiness. 

Good luck for those who wants to try it. I totally recommend it. And sometimes, if you complain for a continuous period of time, they might give you free movie channels (HBO/Showtime) for up to three months or more.

*Thanks to both Tala and Tom

Vandalism to Wheat

Or what some people might call "Crop Circles." 

Apparently a new one has just been "discovered" somewhere in the U.K. and is shaped into a pretty awesome jellyfish. 

I hope you readers know that crop circles are NOT made from alien life form, its just artwork at a ginormous scale. Please don't argue with me on this one, I do believe that there is alien life form somewhere in this Universe, but to come to earth and create crop circles... REALLY? If I was an alien, and I came to earth just to make a crop circle, its probably VANDALISM! Arrest those taggers alien bitches. 

Here's the video:

RANDOM: Did you know that there is such thing as "Alien Abduction Insurance?" People usually buy it for a present/joke/waste of money to their friends and family. GET ME ONE PLEASE (for whoever has spare money to throw around at these wonderful economic times).