Cats Morphing into Croissants

When crazy cat ladies have nothing better to do... They will think everything looks like a cat...

Is it Delusion of Grandeur or Delusion of TRUTH? ..... I really need to eat now......

Next time when I see an orange-colored cat, all I'm gonna be thinking is off CROISSANTS!

Louis Vuitton Tattoos

OH. MY. ZEUS. 

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN BODY?!?! 

This is why I'm afraid to have kids, because they grow up and potentially do stupid shit like this.

And you know what the worst part is? 

... I bet you that he thinks he's "cool" and all his friends are like "yeah buddy, awesome tattoo!" 

First of all: FUCKING DUMP YO DUMBASS FRIENDS! 

I mean WHAT WAS THE THINKING PROCESS FOR GETTING THIS TATTOO?

• Maybe he wanted a gangsta arm sleeve, but he thought those dragon looking tattoos look so mean! 
• Or maybe he wanted an LV bag, but couldn't afford it... Making him look like a chinatown knockoff...
• Can Louis Vuitton sue him for copyright infringement?

Ok ran out of comments.... BUT! I GOOGLED IT AND THEN I FOUND THIS:

CAN THIS BE CONSIDERED ANIMAL CRUELTY??? 

Apparently, this was considered as "ART" and their skins will be worth a lot of money once the pigs have passed away. 

I have no point in this post, except if it actually inspire one of you to get this tattoo. 

All I ask is: 

PLEASE DON'T! 

SNOWBERNATION PART DEUX

I don't have a part one, but this is the second time that its snowing in NY and EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT!!!!

ARE THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT PREPARED THIS TIME??? (I think so)
WILL THE SUBWAYS BE WORKING??? (Yes, MTA better be prepared)
WHAT KIND OF SNOW IS THIS?! (Wet snow, which means it'll melt when it touches you [saucy])
WHEN WILL IT END???!?!?!?! (This afternoon around 3-4pm)

Again, I'm not going to work again today (SNOWBERNATION MANIA!) ... Don't judge please...



Instead let's do a recap on yesterday's SEASON 3 PREMIERE OF JERSEY SHORE!!!
FIST PUMP PARTY! 

There's a new cast member called Deena, she's Snooki's "BFF"

Sammi doesn't like any of the girls ("whorebags")

Sammi and Ronny are STILL together (yawn), it must be true love

Lots of drinking ensued

Deena got naked in front of the Situation 'accidentally'

For once the Situation held his dick and didn't bone anything

Deena wanted to "have fun" with the Situation, but he's not up for it

Sammi laughed at her for being "stupid" 

Deena called Sammy a c***

Ronnie went into ROID-RAGE

Sammi started yelling at Deena

Snooki started yelling at everyone

Jwoww got pissed off

Sammi is still pissed off at Jwoww: which ensued to...

BITCH FIGHT! PUNCH IN DA FACE!

BITCH FIGHT! YANK HAIR OFF DA SCALP!

BITCH FIGHT! ON DA FLOOR!

Then: EPISODE WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK
BOOOOOOO! But so far, so good!
Watch it all on www.mtv.com
Recap over and I'm OUT!

Happy Belated New Year! Please, Hand Me Some More Champagne... PLEASE

Hello there readers!

Let's finish our formalities, and say HAPPY NEW YEAR! If you want to give me something to begin your year with generosity and gratuity, then you can give me a bottle of wine/champagne so I can continue my alcoholic consumption through February... YAY! MORE PRESENTS FOR ME!

I have been very LAZY lately. Yes, that is the only reason why I haven't been updating this blog... Not because I'm super busy in my Real Estate job (even though it is quite stressful), not because I have an awesome social life in which I "party and get fucked up" every night and can't write because I'm too hungover... (I WISH!)

For serious, I'm currently writing from a Korean Spa in New Jersey...

LAZINESS WILL BE THE PLIGHT OF MY DOOM!!!


ANYWAYS! The reason I'm back is because I got a request from (who/m? shall be) an anonymous reader:

So freakin bored and your blog works on my work. Dude...write more!
Anyway, I got into WoW *[World of Warcraft]*(I'm super serious...fucking sad.) so now I'm appreciating the South Park episode on WoW so much more. Did you know I got a wrist injury from playing? How sad am I?

That is really sad, "anonymous" reader... However, carpal tunnel syndrome is not a laughing matter (but we should all laugh anyways) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Its ok though, I'm currently really into my 'Smurf Village' on my iPad. Actually, I've been really into my iPad lately... I spent 96 hours straight on 'Plants vs Zombies' (Best Game EVER!) and COMPLETED THAT SHIT!

yeah, you bet I'm proud of myself

If only I apply the same kind of enthusiasm to my Real Estate job... You can be sure I'll be making deals after deals and be partying every night and making it FUCKING RAIN IN DA CLUBZ!

....................... If not then I'll just make it rain on my friend's cat and turn it into a wonderful fat-cat bankers calendar series............. Both are equally good of an option for this year's resolution. AGAIN, I HAVE CAME UPON A WIN-WIN SITUATION!

2011 will be an awesome year for me!

Ok time to get back to my sauna napping time. Ciao darlings.

How 'District 9' Almost Ruined My Friendship

Sitting on an empty real estate office on a Saturday morning is definitely the epitome of excitement for a weekend start. If you guys are bored here's some real estate listings that I did!

CLICK HERE FOR DEBRA'S AWESOME REAL ESTATE LISTINGS!

Alright, and I just lost another client, which I seem to be acing at lately. I'm literary on a STREAK of losing clients over phone calls; I should be proud of myself for achieving such a substantial ability that doesn't come too easily. (pat on the back/the glass is always half full)

Let's get back to the main business....

Once upon a time, I strongly persuaded my friends to watch District 9 with me. One of them whined, complained, and threatened to promise me of revenge with Kristen Bell rom-coms if I made her watch this. I ignored this blackmail and proceeded with my plan of an awesome beginning of a Friday night.

We were luckily enough to be sat on the third row of the theaters so we could get the MAXIMUM IMMERSION of visual and audio experience. While I was enjoying the movie and being submersed by the plot-line, little did I know that my friend was almost going to walk out of the movie.

After the movie ended, I was like "WHAT AN AWESOME MOVIE!"
But...She thought District 9 was THE WORST MOVIE SHE'S EVER SEEN!!!! (her own words and expression) AND SHE'S SEEN "WHEN IN ROME" STARRING KRISTEN BELL...

So I was like... "Huh?! Why do you hate it?"
Her: "BECAUSE THERE'S ALIENS ON EARTH! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!"
Me: Errr... You don't believe in Aliens?
Her: No

.................................................................................................
Trust me... for like a couple of days we had an argument about the existence of life outside of Earth. For all those GAZILLION universes out there, she really didn't believe that there's a single complex life form out there. Also, she argues that there's none because the possibility of something like Earth happening again is like 1/TRILLION or some absurd number like that.

For some reason, I actually got very angry about this. I don't know why, but I actually didn't speak to her for a couple of days... When I cooled down, I told her (after consulting of my smarty-pant friends) that the universe is expanding by INFINITY! HAH!
INFINITY BEATS TRILLION BILLION GAJOOLES OF UNIVERSES PROBABILITY! I felt like a kid who just won the argument "You're the most icky times INFINITY to the INFINITY!"

So if we would make a hypothesis, the only way of her disproving this theory if that there's actually a group scientist that saw every possible galaxies and universes out there and found zero form of life/complex life or whatever. Until then, I see myself as winning this argument.

(E.T. agrees with me too)

She refused to budge to my MATH LOGIC and still believes that there's no life form out there. I still get a bit riled up when somebody mentions this to me. But yesterday, I realized why I was angry about this. Because usually when somebody tells me that they don't believe in other life forms because of religious or whatever reasons, I don't really care.

I realized that its not because she doesn't believe in aliens, but its because she hated a movie because she doesn't believe in aliens. SUPER LIGHTBULB MOMENT!
As a rebuttal to this is I don't hate every rom-coms because I don't believe the message that they're giving out (TRUE LOVE??) but it doesn't mean I hate all of them.
Lesson learned, my cricket.

This is Why I Don't Watch Soaps: 23 Years of "The Bold and The Beautiful" in 7 Minutes

Survived a Plane Crash and Saved by a Morrocan King??? We all wish, don't we...

Great Thanksgiving News!

My very own contributor, scaramouche, has now opened a new blog for herself!!! Let's all rejoice with the good news and be saddened that I "lost" one of my many talented (but useless) "regular writers" here...

Seriously you guys, all of you are even worse than me, as I required 1 post per month, I should've deleted you guys ... 3 months ago... Well, don't be surprised if I'm deleting all of you now coz you've just been terminated!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

*I don't have to delete myself as I'm the boss of this blog*

sorry for the lack of warning, it was just at a whim's notice that I decided to do it. I'll probably regret it later. Sorry dear friends, don't hate me, hate the game.

But seriously back to scaramouche, the blog is wonderful, articulate, and funny; like all her posts before. Visit it at http://curmudgeonnotes.blogspot.com
Definitely entertaining and I give 2 thumbs up!

In case you couldn't see the link above...
http://curmudgeonnotes.blogspot.com/
http://curmudgeonnotes.blogspot.com/
http://curmudgeonnotes.blogspot.com/

I say you should click it right about now...

Hormones Instability

I am not sure what is up with me these couple of days... but for a minute I can feel like

"I'M THE SUN AND I'M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! I'M SUPER AWESOME AND I CAN DO ANYTHIIIIIIING IN THE WORLD!!!"

to

 "I HATE MY LIFE WHY IS EVERYONE SO STUPID"

to

 "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME YOU STUPIDPUNKFACEASSWIPE?" 

For example I started out today like I was really the fucking sun. I CAN DO ANYTHING AND NOBODY IS GONNA STOP ME (aka going to the mall alone).

WOW THIS MALL CHANGED!

WHAT'S THAT? A NEW SUPERMARKET?

AWESOME!

So that was how I felt for like the beginning part of my mall journey. Then I remembered an old high school friend of mine apparently opened up a high-end fashion boutique in THIS particular mall! I was like, I'M GONNA CHECK IT OUT!

Let me just clarify that I was wearing my 4 days old t-shirt, jeans, flip flops, and my work bag. All of this while I have unwashed hair, glasses, and massive noise-cancelling headphones with my bedazzled iPod. Since this is Indonesia and people are always so friendly, they're not gonna really judge me on my appearance as much. I. WAS. WRONG.

The store had a security guard that is more like a bouncer I guess, but I PASSED that first phase! HAH! So a store lady greeted me hello with a smile, then after one quick look to what I was really looking like, she was like giving me a "why are you in this store" glare.

what I looked like in her eyes (minus the two dogs)

This was really the moment that I went from BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN to spiral of depression. What went through my mind:

"maybe I should have worn something better"
"whatever"
"why is she following me so closely?"
"erm... should i tell her to not invade my private bubble of space?"
"CAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING, JUST THE WAY YOU AAAARE (Bruno Mars on iPod)"
"ooooh, this dress is pretty!"
"ok lady is following me, STILL!"

At this point, I decided that maybe if I name-dropped the owner's name she'll back off a bit (more like backfired on my face).
So I was like "is (name-drop) here today?"
She's like NO
Me: (whispering to myself) coz she's an old friend of mine from high school... i don't need to justify myself...


On My Mind:
"does this lady really thinks i'm gonna just grab a dress and run off the store?"
"yes she does..."
"why is no one rescuing me"
"..............i am ashamed of myself"

And I felt defeated... Thanks, random store lady "helper", you have just made me feel worthless. It was like a black hole appeared next to the sun and vacuumed that shit up. So I marched to the bookstore next and was like sulky and meh... I was just browsing aimlessly and just touching random design books, wishing that I wish I could have a room that beautiful. And realizing I probably never can (serious spiral of depression).

Till I found a book about crocheting THIS!

HOW CUUUUUUUUUUTEE!
Now I was all like: I'M GONNA BUY THIS BOOK AND MAKE THESE THINGS! THEY ARE SO CUTE AND ADORABLE! IT SAYS HERE THAT IT'S EASY PEASY! Yes, this will be easy! I'M GONNA BE TERMINATOR AWESOME IF I CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS!
Hence, once again, the sun mode is back on. And I don't know how to crochet, but I'm still determined to do this once I'm back in NY......... OR I CAN START TOMORROW!

So I was home, and just doing my stuff of boredom. Internet, book, movies, tv, phone, etc... Then I called a friend of mine, and I mistakenly thought that my friend hung up on me. WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK! THAT BITCH BETTER HAVE NOT HUNG UP ON ME OR I'M GONNA GO GODZILLA ON YOUR ASS! I was in serious rage. More like SERIOUS RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWRRR!!!!!!!!! LIKE IF I SEE A SONY CAMERA I WILL TAKE IT FROM THE OWNER AND HULK-SMASH IT TO A PULP kinda rage!

Without hesitation, I called my friend back and in my calmest possible voice asked:
"WHY DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?!?!?!?!?!"
friend: huh?
"WHY. DID. YOU. HANG. UP. ON. ME. !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
friend: (still confused as the line actually dropped) what?
"I. DON'T. APPRECIATE. IT. IF. YOU. DO. THAT. TO. ME!!!!!
friend: I didn't hang up on you.
"LIIIIEEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!"
friend: really. I didn't.
"......................... I'M STILL ANGRY ANYWAYS"

more like ashamed of myself... Going to spend the next day in complete hiding mode and reflect on my behavior today.

Sometimes, when its closing to "that time of the month" my mood becomes a bit erratic, but this is crazier than usual. I mean... come on... really...

So, I'm sorry dear friend for that unfortunate phone call. Even editing this post is giving me a headache.

NARWHALS!

Narwhals:
Are AWESOME
ITS AN UNDERWATER UNICORN!
They're just swimming in the ocean, causing a commotion

 

This was stuck in my head for a good week. Enjoy everyone, while I'm on a blogging "streak."

Ennui Becomes Me

I am currently back in my homeland of Indonesia and after spending a wonderful three days of my wonderful cousin, Stephanie's wedding EXTRAVAGANZA, I have contracted a mutant super Asian influenza virus. *not because Asian viruses are better (or worst?), but my cousin (a super reliable source) told me that because doctors give antibiotics here like candy, ergo mutated stronger viruses bacteria as one commenter kindly corrected me.

I also blame the volcanic ashes

Any fucking way, with the combination of jet-lag, superman flu virus (bacteria?), and my stubborness to take antibiotics, I have failed to recover in the usual 5 day grace period. Instead of feeling better, I've been coughing literary all my phlegm out and my chest hurts because of it. Because of this, I have missed a couple of AWESOME opportunities here in Jakarta. Let's not even start with how I'm not able to attend the Temper Trap concert.... Yes, my fault... I get it...

I am now bored out of my fucking mind as usual. OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND PEOPLE! I've been watching more crap TV than ever (Gary Unmarried, Royal Pains, America's Next Top Model season 1million, anything on AXN, Star World, Star Movies) Do you know how annoying it is when you're trying to sleep and "NANANANANANA NANANANANANANANANANA DO YOU WANNA BE ON TOP? (echo "do you wanna be on top") is stuck in your mind?



Very annoying.


Since I always feel more productive when I'm writing on this blog, and its probably the only thing that I do when I'm in Jakarta, I shall write this extra long post for you all. As a couple of minutes ago, I saw a picture that inspired me to blog again (temporarily):

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! Vladimir Putin was gifted this dog for signing a gas transit pipeline agreement with Bulgaria (future traders and commodities people, take note about gift-giving).


This photo reminded me on how my sister detests Vladimir Putin, she once wrote us a mega-essay (for fun) about how deplorable this man  is (to be exact "THE ANTI-CHRIST) and sent it to my father, mother, and me......... I wasn't so sure what to do with the information to be exact... it was a hilarious read, because I was probably drunk when I read it.


Anyhoo, I found a treasure of Vladimir Putin photographs in the interwebs... let's start with this

 I am a 57 year old man (probably actor age) and I can still kick your ass. If not my bodyguards will kick it for me.

 Because only awesome people (or the anti-christ) ride tricycle Harley bikes

See! I CARE ABOUT ANIMALS!

I apparently just shot a humpback whale with this crossbow... but not to kill! but to track them and to promote SCIENCE AND NATURE! You should really click on that link as it has MORE photos of his Macho Man Super MacGuyver Bond stuff.

*image released from the Russian Tourism Council*

Russia is BEYOOTIFUL! My bare chest cures all diseases and boredom!

Wow... Talk about going waaaaay off tangent... Please enjoy this post. I will update soon again when I found another inspiration for blogging.

Borderline Blasphemous

MTV Shows

Urgh... It's finally here... The sneak peek for the U.S. version of "Skins."

The only reason why I haven't stamped this shit with "BLASPHEMY" all over it, is because I haven't seen what the show is like. It could be good, but American remakes of British TV shows has a 90% chance of being complete horse-crap.

Actually, I'm going to take back all those nice things I said... and just give MTV this comment:
HOW DARE YOU make a remake of this show?!?!?! BITCH-SLAP YOU IN THE FACE!
Next thing I know, there's gonna be an American remake of Top Gear... THAT REALLY BETTER NOT HAPPEN (I'm looking at you History channel).

Ok end of rant.

If you haven't seen Skins before, I suggest you go and watch it right away. I'll have my final verdict by January, when the show finally airs. New and creative approaches are always welcomed, but this looks like an exact copy of their Brits counterpart... Seriously... BOOOOOOOOOOO

About Matthew Morrison...

I find him really creepy (sometimes to a point that he achieves levels of nastiness when he raps). I know he has great abs, but really...

*that's right bitches, you know you want to lick this*

Is it just me? After seeing the Britney Glee episode, I just really can't with him. CAN'T!
Especially when he tried to be "seductive" (voms).

Seriously, Ryan Murphy, you need to put a stop to this nastiness.

I give you EXHIBIT A:

super creepy

sorry for the zero updates

I am now a real estate agent in New York CITAAAAY!

Yes, laugh all you want, but I'm now working at Bond New York and I WANT YOU TO USE ME AS YOUR FUTURE RENTAL DEALINGS! Thank you!

I've been busy like crazy. But at the same time have managed to watch most of the Fall's new television.

What's the most surprising new show? NIKITA!

YES, ITS ON THE CW11 AND ITS GOOD! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?! But this new show is definitely on the approve list for you (my minions) to waste your time at. Nikita... for real people, the first quality show I've seen by CW in like EVAAR!

Do you know what is #1 on #cancelledafteroneepisode? SHIT MY DAD SAYS!

*super shit*

The show is with William Shatner, and its base on a twitter account of this guy's dad who says really "funny" things. *I still hate twitter to death and this proves that twitter is shit (in my mind)*

I really hope they cancel that, because its seriously torture to put that shit on air. So shit, so beyooooond shit. Who wants to watch this anyways? Please come forward because for once, I wouldn't mind somebody proving me wrong.

Back to me, I know that nobody is reading this blog anymore, but if you are AND YOU NEED TO MOVE TO NYC! You know where to find me!

Erm, like super EWW... 

What in bachelorette's stripper hell is this? So this Jeff Miranda person is the latest thing that Snooki (of Jersey Shore) is apparently dating. Yes, he does seem to fit the "gorilla" fetish category that she's into, but this picture is just all sorts of wrong. 

First of all, WHERE IS THE RING?!?!?! 

And why is he shirtless and covered in baby oil? Apparently he's a former Iraqi war veteran, so I guess the camo pants are somewhat relevant to the whole theme of "ME ME ME ME." 

For all I know, the cast of Jersey Shore is currently filming their 3rd season, and I really hope that they film the rejection in all its glory. Then she'll go out to a nightclub, get drunk out of her mind, and find a new boyfriend that will not propose in this manner. *Girl, if you have class, let's not bow down to this kind of foolery.  

And if you think I'm mean, here's another photo to torture your eyes with... Yes, there's an actual photo spread of this mess. 

Happy Monday everyone!

Do You Hate Your Job?

Now there's a new escape method for exiting those boring meetings. WITH FLAIR!
Only $51.50! What a bargain

via http://www.dialhouse.org/

Song of the Day

This is such a fucking amazing song. The blogs today have been raving about this newly-released song and every single one of them has been saying that Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You" should've been this summer's anthem.

Yes, they were all correct. Just listen to this, and I guarantee you it'll be stuck in your head.

Now That I Have a *Cat...

I CAN FINALLY FULFILL MY DREAMS OF CAT-ROBICS!



*I'm cat-sitting per se... but this cat seriously needs to exercise as its already growing a beer belly.

Watch Things Get Destroyed in Slow Motion

Tempus II from Philip Heron on Vimeo.

If you're bored, its quite beautiful...

Baby Douche Traders

I love these E*Trade baby commercials, even though I detests douchebags with my hearts content. Its a love-hate relationship, on one hand you just really want to smack these douches (yes as a hater), but on the other... they are BABIES!

Once again, I am at the mercy of consumerism

Chanel's 2010 F/W Yeti Costume in the Summer Heat

It is a probably a crime towards society (and mostly to your dignity) if you have ever appeared in any form of a Viacom related-reality show. However, Joe Zee, the creative director of US Elle magazine and also a character on "The City" is one of those exceptions.

Here he is testing out Chanel's all faux-fur Yeti costume in the middle of New York summer heat. As he said, at least guys can wear Chanel too.

From Elle.com via Racked