Dramatic Contact Lenses

Why can't life be actually like this? And they call me drama queen, bitch please!

What Am I Looking At Lately?

WELL, HELLO THERE MEHCAD BROOKS (AKA EGGS FROM TRUE BLOOD)! You are one fine bite of man hunk chunk piece meat package Jeebus! I'm just spewing random words because this photograph is affafafecting my mind and I feel funky. This should be made into lyrics for the most romantic beautiful song ever. 
You know, after this hard week of spring break, we are in need to see some fine piece of ass. /*A philosophy we all should live by. /* The keyword is SEE but not touch, because we are not perverts (I hope).

The best part of this all is THE COMMERCIAL THAT COMES WITH IT:


You are totally welcome bitches.

Behind the Scenes

That now well-known "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" Old Spice commercial was all taken in ONE SHOT, over a period of three days! AND... ITS NOT EVEN CGI-ed! Ok, fine, maybe the diamonds on his hand was computer generated, but the rest was just plain crazy set contraptions. Above is a detailed, behind the scenes look for this commercial for those who really wanted to know how they really put him "on a horse." By him, I mean actor Isaiah Mustafa. 

No More Snow on Your Face: Bank Robber Edition

Snowpocalypse 2010 part II is here again today in New York City, and like many people, I have a problem with having snow being blown into my face (no pun intended).

However, once upon a late night on Spike TV, we stumbled upon this product that is a MUST HAVE for those who doesn't like a white facial. Its called the Exo-Pro and it makes you look like a bank robber (oooh, so dreamy!)

"What happens if its going to clash with my outfit?" you ask... FEAR NOT, it comes in 6 beautiful colors! Yes, you can choose between black, red, blue, green, white, and camo color! Did you forget to give a Valentine's gift to your lover? Fear not, this will guarantee to get you laid. (Guarantee is not real, please do not contact me if it doesn't work).

Or this could also be a new S&M face gag device... Same difference.

Diamonds! Now Look Again, I'm On a Horse

Ladies of the world, I have found the man of your dreams!

Well, more like Old Spice thought they have found the PERFECT Hunk of a man for us to drool over. Girl, he is damn fine.

To regrettably inform you readers: I am one of those girls that loves the smell of Old Spice. Yes, before you start going on a rant on how I have "poor taste" in quality of body soap, you all go ahead and remember that jock-crush of yours in school. After (insert sports) class/practice/game they'll all head to the shower room, and they always get out smelling like something that would make you wanna sniff them REAL CLOSE. Damn, good times.

During those sensitive transitioning age, guys usually either wear Old Spice or Axe (well at least in my generation they do)... And you all know that anybody wearing Axe is just a poser wannabe. Plus, Old Spice has always better commercials than Axe, by Infinity... +1. Case in point, watch ad above.

*Thanks Anonymous for the tip

Van Goghgurt

Shouldn't Holland or someone in charge of the Van Gogh estate bring some kind of an uproar to this commercial? Even though I secretly wish there is such a thing as "Van Goghgurt," I have to say nay on this PSA. "Feed your kids the arts!" And they might find an ear to eat.

Back to the fake-dairy product-commercial, he's too smiley for a person that went through life with a case of severe depression:

• He chopped his ear off and gave it to a prostitute (oh what a wonderful present to receive!)
• He shot himself in the chest without realizing that it might be fatal... So he died two days later of natural causes from a gunshot wound (aka bleeding to death).

I've always imagined him as an emo.

P.S.: CLICK HERE to watch Johannes Brahms for Raisin "Brahms."

Even Lawyers Know People Can Be Ridiculous

"They made that paper way too sharp! Someone has to pay!"

Best law firm commercial EVER!

Yeah, Totally an Arm Workout

Slow day today. But this came by and even though its old, its still mind-boggling to watch again. Maybe it could even be a great Valentine's gift to your beloved ones. You know... to practice with. And don't you all be like, "That's so perverted!" because I know exactly what you're thinking when you see this commercial. Just like what everyone thinks when they heard the new Apple Tablet is called an "iPad"... yeah... a Maxipad to be exact.

*For Pey

Squeaky

I always wonder why there's always barely any Durex condoms in the states. I know this commercial is old, but its the holidays and tis the time for love-sharing/making. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

And I think its one of the best condom commercials out there. This video is NSFW.

Life is a Cosmic Symphony

Life is a... tunnel with black light at the end. POETRY!

No, Life is... LIFE! This song should be my new anthem.

Brainkill of the Day

I can't sleep (its 5 am) and I stumbled upon this gem.

The caption for this video: "Apparently, cross dressing is also one of caffeine's side effect."

I don't drink coffee anymore, but maybe for this coffee I'll make an exception. What am I talking about, I don't need coffee to be a reason to go drag, I can do drag perfectly fine by myself. Did you know I was once mistaken as a Asian gay boy by a drag queen? (True story). I KNOW I have potential! This would be my backup career choice #47.

This is the Reason Why You Don't Have Salad in Your Diet

Because you don't own the magnificent technology known as "Slap Chop." Vince here is convinced that this machine will make "America skinny again, one slap at a time." DOUBTFUL. 

If you're wondering why he's familiar, its because he's the ShamWow guy. Just watch this commercial below and you'll be calling the number ASAP. If you call in the "next 10 minutes," you also get the Graty which could grate cheese for "tacos, fettucini, linguine, martini, bikini..." I'm having what he's having please, I want to become a poet like him. 

Some other words of wisdom: 

"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Indeed Vince, indeed... 

When chopping onions, you should use the slap chop because "Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry anymore."

Do you also know that Vince speaks Spanish?

*Thanks Pey

WTF Geico?

Because of your wonderful commercials plugged everywhere on EVERY GODDAMN channel, this song has been stuck in my head for the last 96 hours, really thank you... This is a good remix of the oldie song called "Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell feat. Michael Jackson. Basically a song for someone diagnosed with paranoia disorder.

So why does the money have eyes? Is the money going to stalk you until you switch to Geico? That "money that you could be saving" is technically a $5 bill put on top of monopoly money with googeley eyes attached to it. So don't buy into the commercials too fast you guys. WATEVS. 

Here's the commercial:

Dear Geico,

Could you please make some commercials that are a little bit more straight to the point? When you first came out with those gecko and caveman commercials, it took me MONTHS to figure out that you were selling CAR INSURANCE. SNORE FEST, I know you're trying to attract the younger customers and make car insurance snazzy, but seriously, enough with abusing those cavemen. 

I have to admit that even though I'm always confused about your commercials, it is still annoyingly effective (as I do use Geico for my car insurance). Your company has inspired me to do my next unemployment project, which is putting googeley-eyes on a stack of money, pillows, clothing articles, camera, etc. So thank you for that. I have now went way off tangent and now completely forgotten what I'm suppose to write... Erm, I hope your business prosper in these hard times. 

Here's the song:

Actually this song perfectly reflects how I feel like in the past few days, "I always feel like, somebody's watching me and I have no privacy. (OH WOW OH)" 

BACK OFF YOU WEIRDO STALKER, BACK OFF. 

And on WAY MORE OFF TOPIC ARTS AND CRAFT PROJECTS: If you don't feel like doing it to monetary paper, do it to your plants. 

Swine Flu

I'm thisclose to sending my Japanese Cinema professor and e-mail saying that I have swine flu. I have a 10 page essay to write, and I'm on page 2. FML. HOWEVER, it is due in 7 hours, so there is still HOPE you guys. HOPE that one of you loyal viewers would do it for me. KIDDING, not really. The movie is called "Sword of Doom," and I recommend those who are a fan of samurai movies or the jidaigeki genre to watch it.

I think I momentarily gave up on this assignment 6 hours ago, and almost started my Cinco de Mayo celebrations real early. But my friends told me that it was a horrible idea to do so... I'm not so sure if they were right. I'm going to be stuck in the Third North Dungeon for the next two hours or so, visit me if you want to. I want the distraction.

I'm having semi "In Treatment" withdrawal right now and I'm also starving for food. But this could be potentially my LAST.ESSAY.EVER! So, maybe I should savor this feeling as I am going to miss it. How masochistic of me. (WHIP ME!) Ignore this whole post please.

*Thanks to those who "believe" that I'm able to do this.

Llama

I WANT TO FEED A LLAMA! HOW ADORABLE! I also want a Starburst now...

Since I will most likely not going to feed a llama, I will opt for the Starburst. 

This is for you animal and starburst lovers. 

*As requested by Aiya