This is the Reason Why You Don't Have Salad in Your Diet

Because you don't own the magnificent technology known as "Slap Chop." Vince here is convinced that this machine will make "America skinny again, one slap at a time." DOUBTFUL. 

If you're wondering why he's familiar, its because he's the ShamWow guy. Just watch this commercial below and you'll be calling the number ASAP. If you call in the "next 10 minutes," you also get the Graty which could grate cheese for "tacos, fettucini, linguine, martini, bikini..." I'm having what he's having please, I want to become a poet like him. 

Some other words of wisdom: 

"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Indeed Vince, indeed... 

When chopping onions, you should use the slap chop because "Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry anymore."

Do you also know that Vince speaks Spanish?

*Thanks Pey