Romantically Shit

LAUGHTRACKS? SERIOUSLY? GIVE ME A BREAK PEOPLE! I'm sorry, I was so outraged by it that I didn'tget to mention what I'm talking about. This is about that new show "Romantically Challenged," with Alyssa Milano (woohoo... she's back...I'm excited... why not...). 

What, do you ask, that this new comedy might be about? Four friends all having relationship problems...  This is basically a diluted version of 'Friends.' And after watching the first 5 minutes of it, I was going to hurl and pray to the TV gods that this will get cancelled soon. 

Yes, in case you don't want to read that many word. Romantically Challenged = SHIT

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

I haven't been back to California in almost a year, so I forgot that the food proportions are about 2-3 times as much as New York City's servings. I call it "stomach explosion" sizes.

Apparently, stomach explosion sizes are probably only excluded in New York City, because we all know that USA is a fat country. Especially the town of Huntington, West Virginia, winning the highest obesity population title along with the highest death rate from a heart attack. Armed with a new television program called, "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution," the British chef superstar is trying to change the way America eats by giving them epiphanic lifestyle changes. And I have to say that its a pretty good watch.

Short version of the first episode is that people do not like to be told on what to eat. They seem to consider lettuce and anything that looks naturally green in color as the enemy of their mouths. One family's food color spectrum only ranges from yellow to golden brown (aka deep fried and frozen food). I know my food habits are questionable sometimes, but compared to this family, I am like a pristine crystal example of healthy living. Yes, you know there's a problem, if I'm a shiny exemplar of something...

Seriously, this food business is some fucked up shit. When kids PREFER processed food than natural food, you know you have a fucking problem.

Anyways, moral of the show: nobody should ever see a grown man cry. It really did break of whatever is left of my heart.

Why Am I Watching This?

Yeah, for serious. Dancing With the Freaking Stars. 


Just when I think I can go no lower, I found out that I can actually watch this crap and swallow it.
Believe it or not, of all the contestants, the final celebrity that managed to grab my attention is Evan Lysacek (for all the wrong reasons). I was pleasantly surprised to find the majority of the contestants as a group more recognizable celebrities than the previous seasons. If they manage to nab famous enough D-listers, I consider that as great effort in ABC's part, and therefore deserves my attention. Logic Failed In Every Angle.

Let's start with one thing that is always consistently great on the show: Bruno. I don't understand about 80% what he's saying, but with the flailing arms and the attitude in his tone, language will not become a barrier of comprehensibility.


And what happened to Buzz Aldrin's face?

Lost Sucks

Can I just tell you again that 'Lost' is beyond ridiculously insane. Not only is this show getting boring, I'm only trying to get through this season to finally figure out why the hell they're in the "island."
Yes, I realize that I'm the stupid one by continuing to watch this mess, but if I didn't see it, then I couldn't really experience the full shitiness of this show first hand, could I? 


Wow, that is one really long question. The producers and J.J. here better not fuck with me in the end of this show. Because if nothing gets resolved... as in... there's just two alternate realities, where one is shit (the island) and one is paradise (if plane never crashed) and everyone just has to DEAL WITH IT, I would not be happy bunny. And when I'm not happy, I know its entertaining for you, but I will seriously have a DVD burning party on the roof of my apartment (early apology to whatever is left to the ozone layer). Maybe the smoke from it will be the Flocke Smoke Monster and is going to be set free in OUR WORLD from from this ritual. Yes, I'm going to cancel this party for the sake of our humanity. 


Me? Fickle? NEVAAAAAAAR!

Lost, as ALWAYS

So, as a friend was telling me that the new season of Lost was premiering last night... Yes, this will be their FINAL SEASON! Finally, an end to a giant vomit mess!

I told her I stopped watching that show 2 years ago when all the people I cared about started dying one by one. JJ Abrams broke my heart, and I don't think I'm ready to dive back into his ever so loving wonderful shows. On top of that, there was the part on how confusing this show has became: Time travel? Another dimension? Smoke monster? Talking to dead people? MORE dead people? I need to stop typing as I'm giving myself a self-induced vertigo.

She then told me that the producers specifically designed the premiere episode so people would get the basic gist of the show even though if they are as clueless as I am.

Okay, so I voluntarily took the challenge and watched it.

The VERDICT: STILL CONFUSING AS FUCK!

Whatever, the best thing about Lost is when some Bolivian news team thought that the plane crash was real:

True story.


P.S.: If you ever want to see the Island's geography in subway map formation. CLICK HERE

Oh Look, Another Season of The Bachelor. YAWN.

There's a new "scandal" from a boring-ass show that is "The Bachelor," that will probably make America tune in only for one millisecond. Yes, the original reality dating show (that has spun so much remakes on VH1) is now imbued with some "unfortunate decisions" where a contestant supposedly had a fling with one of the show's producers.

GOOD FOR YOU GIRLFRIEND!

Finally some fame-whore decided to be smart enough and maybe get some spare dick to relieve her needs while everyone else is AIMING FOR THE WRONG THING! You go on this show hopefully to become the Ryan and Trista of the new decade, but since our society has degraded so much THIS IS BY FAR MORE INTERESTING than the show itself.

My prediction for the course of the show that "The Bachelor" himself will be all sappy and woppy saying stupid shit like:

"I don't know if I can trust anyone again after what she did to me. I really thought that she was here for me, that she was The One. I hope you can understand how hard it is for me to even open up to you (sobs). I do like you, but its going to be hard for me to trust you."

I bet you he's gonna get so much more ass from this line.

So, will I watch it? Yes, probably for a couple of episodes because I know ABC is gonna milk this stuff and its gonna be gooooood. Fake drama is better than no drama (that should be all TV show's motto). This is rating's equivalent to GOLD! I do have to give them props though, the show's "dramatic quality" has improved starting since last year. Example: Exhibit A

Quote of the Day

"Scott, you don't understand. This group was my Dreamgirls... I was Effie." - Cameron Tucker from Modern Family

Two of my favorite things combined. Swirly goodness.

Baby, I Just Wanna Do You

My favorite song of the week AND its better than "Tardy for the Party". I KNOW, how can that be possible right? Just listen, TRUST:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66TqUyjqM40

Don't any of you DARE to give me a dirty look when I'm singing this in public:

Baby baby, I just wanna do you, do you

Do you wanna do me, do me

Underneath the moonlight, the moonlight...Tonight

This is just a piece of true POETRY! UP YOURS Shakespeare!

I have really REALLY liked the show Modern Family; its one of those shows that's not only brilliant (like Arrested Development), but also could make me laugh out loud hard (no offense to 30 rock).

Trust. This show has potential. Watch it wherever it is available.

Flash Forward to AWESOMENESS

THIS SHOW IS AWESOME! AWESOOOOOOOOME I TELL YOU! GO WATCH IT NOW!

No? Not convincing enough? Well, the story line is basically that everyone, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, blacked out for 2 minutes 17 seconds AT THE SAME TIME! On top of that, they also "see" a vision of their future for that duration of time! Flashback... FlashForward.... GET IT? GET IT???!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25kXHgWg938

Are you kidding me? That's not enough to hook you into it? Bitches, I'm trying! What else do you want more in a TV show huh?! There's already everything that you need in this show to keep you entertained for about an hour of your day! Romance (CHECK), Drama (CHECK), Possible-Marital-Affairs (CHECK), FBI (CHECK). Please don't be picky on me. PLEASE!

Now I'm just getting angry and its useless. WATCH IT NOW! I can't be bothered to convince you anymore now.

.................Why won't you watch it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you... You don't have to watch it if you don't want to. You may watch it if you want to, I'm not going to force you.

I'm feeling bipolar today.

A Bachelor Forever

Something appalling apparently happened on Monday night prime time television. The latest "Bachelor" contestant decided to dump his "chosen one" AFTER he picked her, for his "number two" finalist. He changed his mind on the reunion show and proposed to the other girl, stating that the "chemistry is completely different" now.

RIIIIIGHT... it was probably a fuck and run, meaning he banged her for 6 weeks then got bored and decided to move on with the next person on his booty list. 

I'm probably the last one to write about this, I really don't care for the bachelor, I don't watch it because its boring until shit like this happens. That show is nowhere near the quality that is For the Love of Ray J and people should be more aware of that information. He is now officially a douche forever for dumping someone on NATIONAL (not cable) television. They should audition him for the new season of Tool Academy. And the tool's name is Jason Mesnick, BEWARE LADIES! 

More detailed stories Here and Here if you care. 

*Thanks Tala for the tip