Ray J has a New Whore Search

Ray J is looking for you... That's right it might just be you! Swoon for me ladies

I didn't know that "For the Love of Ray J 2" just premiered last week, LAST WEEK! Why didn't VH1 notify me of this exceedingly monumental affair?!?!?! Yes, I think Ray J is super duper hot! CALIENTE to be exact! On top of that, if I was notified earlier, I would've promoted heavily on it to a point that none of my facebook friends would
miss the premiere at all...

So, besides my obsessiveness taking over me, I finally watched the show... It turns out that Cocktail was dumped and now he's looking for a new love. WHY DO THESE GIRLS EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO DATE HIM?! VH1 should just name this show "For Ray J's Sex Tape," and that would've have been a billion more times more interesting than finding "looooooooove."

I mean, he's not even trying that hard not to make this show look like a joke.... As an example, he "nicknamed" all the girls; some of them were normal stripper names like Luscious, Lava, and Exotica... but then things just got weird when he named some of the girls Popper, Extra, Fettucini, and Just Right.

COME ON RAY! YOU DONT' WANT TO BE LIKE FLAVOR FLAV! YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! I hope you will terminate all these girls in the first 3 weeks, so I don't have to suffer that much listening to these stupid ass names.

You Chose the Wrong Guy...

VH1, home to all the quality shows in the universe, announced that they are looking for women to be on the show called "Entertainer of Love." That's right, his real name is Frank and he was in I Love New York and I Love Money. 

For once VH1, I really think you guys have chosen the wrong guy. Unless the Entertainer would have a challenge involving toe-sucking competition (even I might not be able to stomach that), I'm not going to watch it. That's right, for once I'm putting my foot down and let myself have some dignity. 

It should've been 12 Pack of Love or even better FOX OF LOVE. That dumbass does deserve his own show, I would WATCH that shit for sure, no questions asked. 

Here is Fox in all his glory: when Daisy asked him is he's 100% single... His response was "I'm one hundred and ten point fifteen point five percent (110.15.5%)" single. I didn't even know two points could even exist in the same numerical value. Or is that actually (110/15/5)/100? Wow, I feel like I just surpassed in Fox's retardedness, this means that his stupidity is CONTAGIOUS. Watch the clip below with a surgeon's mask (this has been an official warning from the IAJ's Department of Brain Disability). 

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Prepare to be SHOCKED

(image from VH1)

"APPARENTLY," Tila Tequila (aka my cousin's double) and [my darling] Ray J is DATING.... 

What the fuck happened with Cocktail, RAY??? The one that WON your dating series? I need an official statement from you STAT!

I'm not sure what my complete reaction is. I guess good for them? Anyways, this is what she wrote on her official blog (and then she deleted it I guess because I couldn't find it anywhere, via Hollywood Tuna)

"My baby is Ray J…..and no man has made me feel so loved and so happy in such a long time. We really do love each other and I am so happy to have FINALLY met someone who treats me with respect and love. He is so sweet to me and makes me melt everytime I see him…….I love my baby……so there you have it! Tila Tequila is officially dating Ray J!!!!!! I think we make the cutest couple….dont you????? And this video that I posted earlier tonight was for him so he would hurry up and come over to see his wifey:"

then she made a striptease video for him, here's her statement:

"Here is a sexy video I made for my baby! HURRY HOME TO MAMA I MISSS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! Do you guys think this video will work once he see's it??? If I made this for you and I was your girlfriend, would you come over and see me????? haha! GRRRRRRR! I love u baby!"

A sex tape between these two whores needs to happen STAT! (if its true that they are dating). Or even better, a REALITY SHOW TOGETHER! Oh.My.God. REALITY TELEVISION HEAVEN! Please dear Universe, let this relationship be real. 

blargh. blorgh. blergh

This is how I'm going to feel for the entire week, like a FAT SLUG... because it is time for FINALS!!! I have an essay due tomorrow night, of course I'm not doing it. 

What I've been doing instead:

• TV 
  
• Sleeping
  
• Shopping
  
• Exchanging clothes because I bought stuff a teeny bit too small for me at the current time
  
• Taking pictures of people's asses (my voyeuristic tendencies are the worst during these stressful times)
  
• Exercising (I know I'm surprised too)
  
• Chilling with friends (aka getting drunk)
  
• Munching (mom and friends banned me from eating SPAM because of swine flu, even though cooked pork is totally fine to eat)
• Hot Bath
  
• More Napping
  

I haven't seen the last two episodes of "Fringe," but once that I do... I'll probably rant about something soon. OHOHO I FORGOT, J.J. ABRAMS HAS A NEW MOVIE OUT CALLED "STAR TREK." Of course I'm going to watch it, like a delusional lover that I am, I'm weirdly faithful to him. Please let Star Trek be good oh dear powerful Universe, I need a good J.J. fix, I need it bad. Ok, back to doing some more "work." 

Laters

MY GOD! I TOTALLY FORGOT TO MENTION THIS: 

VH1 HAS A NEW SHOW... (drumrooooooll) DAISY OF LOVE!

Daisy looks like this: 

Please go and watch it, under all that make-up, she's one precious diamond. If she looks familiar to you guys, she was one of the finalists for "Rock of Love 2." Watching her talk for 40 minutes will reduce your brain cell by at least 5%. This is probably not the best thing to watch right now as it during the Finals (yes I capitalize as I do not want to offend the Finals Gods). 

I know this is a really erratic post, but I would like to apologize for the lack of postings last week. I was on "vacation" and wasn't able to post anything. I greatly thank sexyEW19 for doing another post... after 2 months... Apologies and I'll try to make it up for it as usual. 

XOXO,

Judgmentally Yours

I Am SOOOOO TROPICAL

Apparently that's Feisty's favorite term for "partying." Where everything is happy and just perfect. She even said: "If I could pick my own name I would've picked Tropical Barbie." WHY RAY? WHY DID YOU ELIMINATE HER? 

Last night's episode was a semi-recap of what's been happening in the house, with more "NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE FOOTAGE." OOoooooh, like I care... I do actually. 

Here's a clip of Feisty... do I miss her. Ray J has completely ruined my tropicalness for today. 

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Why is Tom Green in the Show?

DANGER SHOULD STAY ON THE SHOW!

In case my viewerships did not see the last Ray J episode, he decided to introduce the last 3 contestant to his friends and family. Danger was portrayed as the crazy one, but he decided to keep all of them again till the next elimination round. Trust me, everybody hated Danger. But we Love her. This is another edition of Drunks Blogging with Tatiana. 

UNIQUE IS MALICIOUS

Ok, Tom Green was in the show, being one of Ray's "friend...." YEAH RIGHT! More like EEEWWWWWWWWWWW. Why oh why would you want to be Tom Green's friend?? This was a weird show... 

IF DANGER GETS ELIMINATED I WILL STOP WATCHING! I WILL BOYCOTT RAY J! FOR HIM TO PICK BETWEEN GRANDMOTHER UNIQUE AND FUCKING COCKTAIL, THE MOST ANNOYING VOICE ALL THE TIME, ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. HOW IS HE FRIENDS WITH TOM GREEN? HOW? IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS TOM GREEN FRIENDS WITH RAY J? 

Yeah, this show does bring you surprises, tune in next week when he meets their parents for a fucking change! I can't wait for Ray J 2!!!

I Will Miss Feisty

On last night's episode of Ray J, Feisty was eliminated. I am quite sad as I think she's super adorable. Adieu Feisty, may we see you and your fake tits in another upcoming craptacular VH1 reality show. 

On Fucking Vacation

I apologize for the lack of post this whole week. I was in Miami on spring break, therefore I was on vacation, meaning that I do not have (or want) to work. I consider blogging as "work." Lucky for me sexyEW19 didn't even write a single post. THANKS BRAVO CORRESPONDENT, YOU SUCK! 

Anyhoo, that's right, MIAMI! WOOHOO! There's so many fucking douchebags on the beach, I think I might start drinking BudLight just to ease my brain from the view itself. There's no problem with drinking BudLight, but it is the ULTIMATE douche drink ever (so drink carefully if you don't want to be quickly judged). I should be nicer to them because I know they'll probably give me 10 cans of beer for free if I ask "nicely."  

Here's a clip of what the beach is infested with:

Not to worry, I am here to update you on the things that I watched on the 6 days I was there in my "boutique" (uber dark) hotel:

• For the Love of Ray J: FEISTY'S BOOBS ARE FAKE!!! SHE ADMITTED IT ON THE SHOW! Yes, I'm as shocked as you are. 
  

("Money well spent!")

• Rock of Love Bus: The 2 "hottest" girls got eliminated from the show. I can't imagine how this show is still going to be interesting anymore.

(Brittanya)

(Ashley with the Hello Kitty tattoo)


• Tough Love: "Boot Camp" for women that can't seem to get boyfriends.  

• El Cuerpo del Deseo: (aka Body of Desire) this show is a GEM! Yes, this is how I'm going to learn Spanish, by watching Telemundo. Wikipedia says that this show is about an old rich man, in love with a hot younger woman, that died suddenly and "returned" to Earth. How do you ask did he return? BY TRANSMIGRATION (the passing of a soul into another body after death)!!! Please watch the intro clip below (start at 0:43 mark)

• Catwoman: I know its not a TV show but, poor choice Halle Berry. Even though you have an Oscar, I will always remember your role in this enthralling cinematic experience. Yes, it was that horrible. 
  
• Giant Squid Documentary: A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Enough said.

• Almost everything on Bravo (the title itself explains the plot of the show): They're all pretty bad. 
• Millionaire Matchmaker
  
• Real Housewives of New York
  
• Top Chef: makes me want to eat the TV. 
  
• Make Me a Supermodel

You really shouldn't watch any of the shows up here, especially the Bravo ones, they're all a waste of time. But always, ALWAYS have time for Ray J please. This has been an extra long post just because I know my viewerships have missed me SO SO MUCH! You are welcome!

DRUNKZ BLOGGING: ITS GOOD TO BE REUNITED

Hello, this is another edition of drunkz blogging with Tatiana. I had to go home last week, meaning tatiana had to watch this show all by herself... apparently its funnier when we watch it together. Well, we are only drinking wine, so not exactly drunk, more like tipsy blogging. TATIANA WILL WRITE IN CAPS and i will write normally. As you know, its ray-j time, therefore its time to DRINK. this show is a fucking gem. ray j is just oh-so-adorable. 

HE GOT FEISTY IN ON THE DATE CAUSE SHE JUST FOUGHT EVEN THOUGH HER TEAM DIDN'T WIN BECAUSE THEY DUCKING THREW IN THE TOWEL. DEB AND I WERE WONDERING IF HER BOOBS ARE REAL. (WE'RE GONNA TAKE A POLL... WATCHU THINK?) WE THINK IT WAS COOL FOR RAY TO STEP UP AND INVITE HER ALONG... WE'RE HOPING FOR SOM'EM REAL CATTY TO GO DOWN CAUSE THOSE OTHA BITCHES GONNA BE PIIIISSED ABOUT FEISTY

you better vote, my self-esteem is on the fucking line.... vote on the top right side of this blog please. 

Tatiana: THIS SHOW IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!

...COCKTAIL! SHE IS SO SMART! WHY IS SHE SO SMART???!!! SHE IS SO BRILLIANT!!! I'M TELLING YOU DEBRA, THIS SHOW GETS BETTER AND BETTER, I'M GONNA SIGN UP FOR RAY J 2!

i do want to see tatiana on VH1 if its possible. ok, the show just fucking ended! and they (VH1) just announced that the next Ray-J is going to be in 2 weeks (meaning that we're on freakin fucking spring break)!!! I am pissed! BLUARGH!

stacks had to go home because her dad got cancer, then lil' hood fucking eliminated herself. so 2 girls went off the show today! meaning there's one episode less on the season! MOTHERFUCKER! (its debra writing this)

COCKTAIL IS A MOTHERFUKIN GENIUS MANIPULATOR. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT SHE CAN MANIPULATE ANYONE OFF THE SHOW!!!!! (MAYBE NOT DANGER, SHE'S GONNA CATCH HER BS!) I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT LIL'HOOD DIDN'T CONFRONT HER ABOUT THE THING SHE SAID. SHE JUST BOUGHT IT "STRAIGHT UP." I'M LOOKING FWD TO COCKTAIL SHENANIGANS IN 2 WEEKS!

anyways, ray j is still cute and hot, he needs to be shirtless more in this show... this is probably the best part of the show tonight! watch it below (fastforward to 1:30 minutes): 

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UPDATE: Apparently the pregnant Danger story is FALSE! thank the heavens! I can't find the denial story anywhere, so I'm not even sure if my sources are correct. Let us all wait till the freakin REUNION SHOW!!! I think I'm going to faint. 

PSYCHING OUT: Celebrity Rehab Edition

My plan today was to stay at home and sleep in this oh-so-wonderful weather (look at post below). All the local schools, along with Fordham, Pace, and FIT universities have been closed today. NOT NYU THOUGH! But then I got an e-mail from my Psychology of Addiction professor stating: 

I know that some of you are wrestling with commuting issues. My intention for today is to give a brief talk and to then show the Celebrity Rehab video for about an hour and then have a discussion in which students can express their reactions.

Professor K------

I was TORN! As you know, I am quite a big VH1 fan! I watch this show once in a while, but never under academic pretenses. AHAHAHAHA! So yes my viewerships, I went to class in the midst of a freakin snow storm to watch MORE TV! I realized what is wrong with that sentence, but yet I am not ashamed of myself.  

The prof had the DVD for the first season, and quite honestly it was an enjoyable show; and by that moment, he became THE COOLEST PROFESSOR EVER!  This show basically takes (Z-listed) "Celebrities" (Chyna, Mary Cary, Daniel Baldwin, etc) and puts them in rehab and see how they go through their detox and addiction. He promised that we will watch the entire season by the end of this semester :D

I AM SO PSYCHED!

Hibernation Mode: Thank God It's MONDAY!

What is wrong with NYC? There's a motherfucking snow storm outside right now. No you guys, its not like in the movies, where its romantic and shit. Its like mother nature on freakin rage, you go out and you're gonna get EATEN by snow. In fact, I'm looking outside now and I see a few unfortunate souls teetering on the brink of being completely covered in white and being blown away by the wind. I'm hoping one of these people falls so I can mercilessly laugh in the comfort of my own apartment. 

Anyways, enough of my sadistic wishes, TONIGHT a new Ray-J is on, I just watched last week's episode, and must say that its always as good as I expected it to be. Poor Caviar was eliminated, but I personally think its because nobody understood what she was talking about. (NU NA NI NOBODY ELSE!) AHAHAHAHA!!! Watch this greatness below. 

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Bret Michael's Favorite Cat is...

The LEOPARD! Yes leopard, I would be in a super defense mode too if Mr. Michael here tries to pet me too. 

Here is a reminder on how the "awesome" Mr. Michael looks like:

That's enough botox for you...

*Thanks Tatiana for the tip

Tool Academy Tattoo

Apparently, these douches didn't LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE SHOW. The show's concept is to transform these tools into gentlemen. At this episode, not sure which one, they think it will be an AWESOME idea if they went out to get the tattoo of the show's logo (Shawn here is pointing at it below). They (except for Tommy) all want to get it because they have "bonded" with each other and all of them are proud to be on this show. That's right PROUD. The show provides "professional help" (aka therapy, aka PSYCHING OUT) to deal with their relationships, but obviously not with their FUCKING MINDS. I have nothing against tattoos, but this?? 

You know what, maybe I am too harsh on these poor unfortunate souls. Maybe they are trying to be a better man.... no, I can't be nice right now. Sorry, but I tried for 5 seconds.

!@$*R#H(@#*&(*%#(*$Q)#*&%)$FJE#Z!!! That's all I have to say. 

DRUNKZ BLOGGING CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP

Hi my viewerships, tonight I have a surprise for you. I am drunk, but yet I will have a guest blogger typing along with me. Her name is Tatiana, and we both LOVE RAY J. She will be typing in CAPS, and I'll be typing in normal form. So, we just finished the 2nd episode of this wonderful show (did you know that Ray J is also the Executive Producer? no wonder its so damn good). We are having a slight dilemma, if any of you actually heeded my advice to go watch this spectacular show, then you would know who i'm talking about. We were loving on Chardonnay first, but Lil' Hood might take the prize.

 NONONO Y'ALLZ NEED TO CHECK OUT MAH GURL COCK-TAIL! THIS CHICK CRIED (CRIEEEEEEEED) ON THE FIRST EPISODE, AND RAY J KEPT HER ON (FOR SOME REASON). AND NOW, BECAUSE OF HER MAGNIFICENT PINK PLATFORM BOOBS ... EUH, I MEAN BOOTS, SHE WAS ONE OF THE WINNERS OF THE VIDEO CHAT CHALLENGE.

ok, so we decided to put up the best one, which is .... (drum roll) LIL' HOOOD!!!!!  please watch this shit. 

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this media better initialize. The best part is when she started rapping about "chicken noodle soup," i can't even type properly anymoreeee... 

well, we are drunk, BECAUSE Ray J, decided to say "ya know wa'am sayin?" 3 times during the ELIMINATION ROUND. AS AN ADDED BONUS, WE INCLUDED DRINKING SHOTS OF VODKA EVERYTIME SOME REAL FUNNY SHIT WENT DOWN. I.E LIL'HOOD RAPPING, CHARDONNAY'S HUMAN SUNDAE. dude, I would post this video, but i think its a bit NSFW. so go to VH1's website to adore her CULINARY FLEXIBILITY. WOW. 

We LUUURVE RAY J. He's soooooooooooooooooo hot! my gawd.... we love him. I hope there's a "For the Love of Ray J 2" in the makings. 

TA, this is a shout out especially for you. PENIS, COCK, blow me. 

MH, will you suck on my penis? 

UPDATE: we were wondering where she got her inspiration for her lovely "rap song." I say she got it from the act of "grinding" itself. DEFINITELY WEED GRINDERS!!!!! THIS GURL MUST'A BEEN HIGH TO COME UP WID DAT SHIET! I MEAN "YOU DON GOTTA TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF TO SEE THAT I'M GRINDING!!!!" COM OOOOOOOWN GURL, THE REASON YOU DON'T WANNA TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF IS COZ YO EYES ARE BLOODSHOT BECAUSE YOU BLAAAAAAZED! we are drunk (must say it again). tatiana claims that vodka doesn't make her drunk, but it makes her horny, AND ray j makes her horny also. uh dear god. TMI! 

What I Love About Mondays

RAY J IS ON TONIGHT! Rock of Love Bus can suck it. I rather see Ray J's beautiful face than the botoxed orange peel one of Bret Michaels. 

After discussing the matter with some friends, we have agreed that the best contestant so far is Chardonnay. She got that nickname because she only drinks chardonnay (to be "classy...") I say, give her more of the magical juice! This is one trainwreck that I want to see go down! I don't know how I'm going to feel if she gets eliminated from tonight's episode... probably heartbroken. 

My friend and I are planning to play a drinking game for tonight's episode. Everytime Ray J says "ya know w'am sayiin?", we take a shot of vodka. Last week, my friend T, decided to play the drinking game alone on the word "love." I think T almost died during elimination rounds, where he said: "are you here for the LOVE of Ray J?" times 12. Please be careful and drink responsibly while watching your dose of Ray J tonight.

P.S. I found the sex tape, its everywhere now on the beautiful interweb. I don't know if somebody is going to flag me if I post a porno link, so you guys have to search it for yourself. Hint: use OVguide.

MATSUFLEX

This post is dedicated to you MH, for loving the biggest tool ever: MATSUFLEX of Tool Academy! 

Only you can truly love a face like this... here is another beautiful photo:

This is his myspace page (WARNING: douche music will begin to play when you enter the site): MATSUFLEX

and if you want to see more potential future boyfriends, visit this site: HOTTIES!!!

You. Are. Welcome. 

Guess Who's Excited "for the Love of Ray J?"

DUH, ME OF COURSE! (my friends have lost almost (if not) all respect for me for "admiring" Ray J) For you virgins that don't know who he is, he's responsible for that Kim Kardashian sex tape and this quite annoying song:

I bet you that Kim Kardashian is jealous that her sex tape partner-in-crime is also finally having a "LOVE reality" show of his own. Keeping up with the Kardashians? Fuck that shit! I am praying to the dear Universe that this mess will be better than Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love COMBINED! STD FIESTA is approaching your TV on Monday nights!

Here's a preview of some of the contestants (where on earth do they find these ridiculous people? because I soooo wanna go there): Chardonnay (aka Krista) is getting ready to meet her man (Ray J), and all that I could think of while she was slathering her body with oil is "I really want a grape tootsie pop." 

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Watch this shit tomorrow (Monday) on VH1 at 10:30/9:30. 

PSYCHING OUT: Real Chance of Love Edition

Hi you guys, this is "Bubbles," a contestant from Real Chance of Love (one of my many favorite shows from VH1). Bubbles here has gotten a certification for ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis [i don't even know what it is for....]) after she was eliminated from the show. Anyways, she thinks she's better than all those other bitches and hoes because she knows the term "positive reinforcement." (If you are interested, its basically like giving your dog a treat if he learns how to sit, therefore reinforcing the good behavior). But it got better when one other contestant said "I'll positive reinforce your ass!" I don't even know what that means, I don't even think it's possible for anyone to positively reinforce an ass. oh, maybe it is possible. whatever. this puts a shame to all psychologists out there. 

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