My Stomach Can't Handle This

True Blood this week was truly TRULY disturbing this week, at least for 2-3 minutes of the whole show. It was really testing my gag reflex. Seriously, by this time I should know that all the blood in the show is fake, but... really having sex on a POOL of blood with a dying girl next you is pushing THE limit. (I don't know what exactly my limit is, but THIS IS IT). I feel like its having sex on your period gone wildly wrong. (Yes, you may barf on that image). 

Editor's Question: Is it just me or did Singapore blocks all accessibility to MegaVideo? This is making it very difficult for me to watch shows online. Why Singapore, Why???

Because of this "problem", I have failed to find the last 5-10 minutes of this week's True Blood. ("GASP!") But no worries, I immediately sent an SOS message to my army of faithful readers and one of them managed to find me a link that was working. Ah, the perks of being an (unknown) blogger...

Anyhoo, a short recap:

• The show is FINALLY getting better as Sookie is kidnapped by that church.

• I realized that Jason only has one look: the look of CONFUSION. It hasn't changed very much throughout the season. "UH.... you want to have sex with me?"

• If I ever see a pig, I'll go all: PIG! PIIIIG! HEY PIG! Andy style. 

• I still don't know what Maryann does, except making people horny, hosting orgies, and putting on a bull mask.
  

On other True Blood news: THEY WERE AT COMIC-CON. And for that, the people at HBO decided to give a "special" trailer on the rest of the season. It looks BALLISTIC!

*Thank you very much MHR-CCL

J.J. Abrams Has Daddy Issues

My theory has been CONFIRMED! When the New York Magazine wrote it, it must be TRUE. Here is a list of why some of the very best critics in the world thinks that the mega producer has the basic freudian complex. 

Maybe JJ doesn't have a therapist, therefore he channels all his anger into his movies and shows. Yes, I make and excellent psychiatrist. 

But don't worry JJ, I still do unconditionally love you. 

READ IT HERE!

*Thanks Pey

Abomination!!

So my cousin just wrote this article about our experience drinking "Lychee Beer" and I was about to write a very VERY long comment on it. But I just decided to add on to her post. Read it first HERE! HERE! and HERE!

You know what's worst than that? They're PROUD of this horrible concoction! I don't know who thought that this was a brilliant idea, but they need to be severely beaten up. Not only was this an abuse to beer, it was an abuse to my taste buds. 

When I had my first sip all I could taste was the Heineken (if I'm not mistaken), then all of the sudden there was this syruppy lychee taste. BARF-O! HEINEKEN representative should bitch them out for tainting their beer. 

Don't get me wrong, I have tasted fruit beers (aka Lambic) and they are marvelous. I mean after tasting Lambic, you go to THIS? Fruit beers aren't actually beer in my opinion, but whatever. Bottom Line: This beer is crap.

I know its probably targeted for ladies, but PLEASE stop drinking this abomination. (Shout-out to my Mom). I hope this doesn't become a fad. 

*Thank you VERY much Cora! 

CONFUSED

I've been on a cartoon overload lately, maybe that's why my brain is slowly deteriorating. I saw this today on Cartoon Network:

They look kinda familiar, but I can't seem to place them anywhere, until he showed up:

MOJO FUCKING JOJO! I recognize that crazy-ass-green monkey ANYWHERE! *I don't know what's happening in this scene, maybe he's going to eat those children as his meal (hence the giant birdcage). But they look too happy... so maybe they're excited because they don't have to go to school. ANYWAYS. 

Then I had a lightbulb moment: Yes my readers, this is some sort of defunct Powerpuff Girls. 

WHAT? Yeah, same response from this side of the world. 

I saw only about 5 minutes of it before the show ended, and it seems to be a Japanese anime. Yes, they are apparently the teenager version of them and the show is now called POWERPUFF GIRLS Z. After looking at their Wikipedia entry, I realize that it was worse than I thought. Their names are: Hyper Blossom, Rolling Bubbles, and Powered Buttercup... OH HELL NO!

Not only that, they have to TRANSFORM to become the Powerpuff Girls (SAILOR MOON STYLE). 

WARNING: Only watch this if you can handle extreme cheesiness. 

I am so so sad that these generation of children will never know what Sailor Moon is and instead gets exposed by these Powerpuff fakery. At least watch the original ones blease, before watching this version. 

I know this is the epitome of sadness, but I still remember the theme song for the Powerpuff girls: "Fighting crime, trying to save the world, here they come just in time. The Powerpuff Girls. POWERPUFF!" I am a loser.  

♥♥♥ 10 ♥♥♥

HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY SPONGEBOB! Congratulations on surviving this long for a kids television show! You know how long their attention span is today... 

There was a marathon yesterday on Nickelodeon, and guess who watched 4 hours of the Spongy goodness? I don't need to answer that, you can probably guess correctly. 

I started watching this because of a certain cousin who LOVED watching it when he was young. The age difference between us is about 7 years... Yes, I am still young at heart and very easily influenced. My friends don't understand how I can watch hours and hours of this show, it just takes your mind off things. REALLY. Don't even try to interpret the show, it just causes a headache. JUST WATCH IT (at Nickelodeon). 

*to Kevin if he still watches it. Because I surely still do. 

I Am In HELL

So, I'm back in Jakarta. Many of you probably know that I'm not so fond of this city... Why? SEE POST BELOW. 

I go into my room... and MY TV IS FUCKING MISSING. LIKE "POOF" DISAPPEAR-MISSING (along with the DVD player). Found out that my mother stole it temporarily so she can use it in her "office." (SCOFF SCOFF) She doesn't work by the by, its the Guest Room, but she dubs it as her "office." I'm not sure if my mom knows that I NEED my television: she doesn't understand that I have to watch tv, so I can write in this blog, therefore entertaining you all. The moral of it all is that I do all of this just to please YOU (yes, YOU).    

Alright, at least I still have my internet right? WRONG. 

The wireless in my room goes from full bar to zero bar depending if I move my body. REALLY. So if I want to stretch and shift a little bit, INTERNET GONE. I have a bipolar wireless unless I become a total statue. 

I hope my internet is happy now. 

THIS SHIT IS NOT COOL

I went to "work" this morning, and 5 minutes after I sat at my table, I got a message saying "Two hotels in Jakarta got bombed. JW Marriott and Ritz Carlton." 

First reaction: WHAT THE FUCK?! 

Second reaction: AGAIN! REALLY?

Third reaction: Call family. (My family is based in Jakarta)

My mom didn't pick up her phone... Ok, then my dad didn't pick up the phone... Alright.... After 20 minutes I called them again, still no response. Actually getting worried (for once), then I called home. The housekeeper informed me that they were still sleeping............................................... See people, SLEEP IS A GOOD THING! My dad was suppose to have a breakfast meeting at the Ritz, but since he's sleeping, brutality AVOIDED!

This shit seriously needs to STOP, like NOW! OK, so maybe some of you might be unhappy about the presidential election results, but COME ON. Go talk to someone about it. Violence is NOT the fucking answer. 

What Did I Think Of This Week's True Blood?

OUWSOME! 

Vampire Hotels?! Hell Yes! It looks so POSH and swanky! A bottle of True Blood will cost you a good $45! Talk about same overpriced drinking standards in hotels. 

The best part? The room service: you want a Male B Negative? 

YES PLEASE!

Why are they in a hotel? Because they are taking a field trip to Dallas. What's the first thing they do when they're in the room? 

Duh.

Reno

There's a guy in the office named Reno. Yes, as in the klassiest city in Nevada (Las Vegas What?)

When I asked him why his parents named him after such an obscure city, he explained to me that his sister name is Renee, and his parents thought Reno was a male version of that name...

I personally find it as an OUWSOME name. Why? This is why: 

Yes because of RENO 911! I hope one day he would wear hotpants like those to work. It will make my day at Jay Pee Pee Moron a fantastic one. 

Watch this clip below: unfortunately its not real

P.S.: I just wanna make Reno into my own personal teddy bear. He is super adorable ladies.

Please, Anything Else...

I'm taking this "program" at a private bank called Jay Pee Moron. Not only did I just learned that I do not give a FUCK about finance, I don't give a fuck about mostly everything that they're preaching at us right now. EQUITY, BONDS, MUTUAL FUNDS, FAMILY WEALTH, DIVERSIFICATION OF ASSETS. OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE PLEASE! 

That's right, everyday we have to wake up so fucking early, and trust me... ITS NOT WORTH IT. Don't get me wrong, the people in the program are awesome. HOWEVER, 90% of the lectures are so boring that I feel like I would rather be a window-cleaner than be in that conference room. 

Anymoronicfuck, I came home and saw "Dreamgirls" playing on HBO. This has made my day like a billion times better. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Dreamgirls. I think I've watched it 8 times already. Just saying, when you're all down and is on a verge of a "career" change, just go home and expose yourself to your favorite whatever (movie, tv, music, "adult" shows, person). It does make a difference. Yes, I'm being preachy today, if you don't like my advice, I suggest that you go and SUCK IT. 

*And I'm telling youuuuuu, I QUIT THIS BITCH (banking). 

GO WATCH DREAMGIRLS. Its worth your time. 

Glitter and Glamor Galore!

I am PISSED that there's no new True Blood this week. Ok, so that's that. 

Moving on... I was working out (yes, that happens occasionally at the gym) a couple of days ago and saw that they were showing the US Men's Figure Skating Championship (2009). 

I LOVE FIGURE SKATING. The costumes. Triple axels. The Music. Jeebus Christ! What more can I ask for in a sport??? 

Besides the men in tights, many of you are probably familiar with Johnny Weir, who won the previous US Figure Skating Championship (I dunno when), and when he performed one of his shows with "Poker Face." Yes, really, THAT Lady Gaga song. Watch it if you don't believe it or if you just really loooooooove the song. You'll realize how FABULOUS he truly is. Bless his heart for this ferociousness!  

But, all of the sudden he showed up: 

Yes Ladies, his name is Ryan Bradley and he is one cutie patootie. ESPECIALLY, when he did his Elvis thing. Swoooooooooooon. If you need some eye candy of the day to wash all those nasty ugly things that you saw during the day, go watch this please. 

Just keep on smiling Ryan, and no, your shirt is NEVER too tight. 

You just know that he's a pleaser, just look at his back flips. SWOOOOOON. What a man. 

*I apologize that I can't find a better quality video. 

Don't You Dare Mock Me

*Extreme Jet-Ski Ironing is probably what I'll do first. 

I haven't had the time to watch TV lately, so I would like to apologize to my 3 avid readers out there for not updating the blog as much as I use too. But, I did find another alternative hobby that I particularly enjoy: IRONING. 

Yes my viewerships, I have just taken interest in a new sport and I find it extremely therapeutic. I have to iron my shirt everyday for "work," and I find a tiny moment of happiness when my shirt is all crinkle-free and warm. Its like being enveloped in a toasty heaven before going to the extremities of my boredom (aka work). 

Maybe if I'm good enough, I'll be able to compete in the EXTREME Ironing World Championship. And why not right? One of their representative bitches described it as "the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of the outdoor activities with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt." Whatever you are on mister, please give me some. If you are on steroids, can you get disqualified as it is considered a "sport?" Hmm.. 

Ok, I need to stop exposing to the world how much of a loser I am. Here's a video of other people with nothing better to do with their time. *Extreme KAYAKING?

Hater Alert!

"Sooooo....Sookie gets gets killed in the beginning of episode 3 and then is resurrected at the end by some mystical vampire ritual...there you go folks..stay tuned for next weeks updates! haha

-Anon. ;)

(god that show sucks)"

This was a comment that was posted on the Wheat Vandalism entry below, and it happens to be a FUCKING FAKE SPOILER ALERT on the upcoming episode of True Blood. I am currently in Hong Kong and because of the 12 hours difference, it has been quite difficult for me to keep up with the shows. Although my service apartment provides me with HBO, they've provided me with HBOAsia... not exactly the same thing. So after I came back from "work," I was SUPER EXCITED that I was FINALLY going to be able to watch it online, but unfortunately the first thing I saw when I went online was this comment. *I don't get that many comments, so I get psyched up when somebody comments on an post. Yes, I know I'm a loser. 

Not only do I know this "Anon" (renaming him into HaterJerkWad), we have an agreement of NO CONTACT for a certain duration of time, and this is an obvious breach of contract. If it would've been "Hi, how are you doing?" Maybe I would've been so angry, but you fuck with my TV, I'm gonna SUE. RAWR! You better be scared AND RUNNING. 

Ok, maybe I overreacted a little bit. I'm just really tired and hungry. 

Here's a super short recap of Episode 3:

• Sookie DOES NOT DIE (as I just watched the episode) 
• Lafayette still lives on (hurrah!) 
• Just when you think Jason is getting smarter, his brain detects too much activity and goes into meltdown. Till now, Jason is still consistently a dumbass (a gorgeous one though). 
• BOOBIES GALORE EPISODE...!!!  
• Is it just me or is the show getting a little bit cheesy? 
  

As to HaterJerkWad:  I KNOW that you haven't watched a single episode, so please go educate yourself HERE.

My new favorite character is Jessica, watch her at the 1:33 mark: 

Groundbreaking News on Wheat Vandalism

MORE EVIDENCE proving that alien doesn't create crop circles! (insert "AH-HA I told you soooo") Would you guess that the animal above is responsible for some of the crop circles in Australia? These crazy-ass WALLABIES are responsible for such great art (when an animal does it, its all innocent and arty, not vandalism). APPARENTLY, Wallabies have been breaking into Australia's finest poppy fields and been eating that shit as food. Yummy-yum nutritious. So they get high and go into a trance and start hopping around the field creating "crop circles." 

One of the representative bitches said ""The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," 

*Not actual Wallaby Art, but I was really hoping it looked like this

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC NEEDS TO PUT A 24 HOURS LIVE-FEED SURVEILLANCE OF THE FIELDS! Then finally maybe somebody can beat that Kruger extravaganza thing. What am I talking about? Nobody can beat that insane animal sighting. I went to South Africa TWICE and not once did I see anything as awesome as that.  

ANYWAYS, did you know that Australia supplies 50% of the world's legally-grown opium? Paging all addicts: there's a new country you can invade. Don't be jealous of the Wallabies, be A WALLABY. 

*Thanks Kora

RAAAAAWWWRRR!!!

I am jet-lagged therefore I am FUCKING CRANKY! Spoken like a true philosopher. I probably wouldn't have a problem with all the lack of sleep if MY MOTHER WOULD FUCKING STOP CALLING MY ROOM. 8 CALLS IN A DAY?? REALLY??????!!!!!!!!!!!! And its not like the ringtone is pleasant, the volume ASCENDS with every ring. So, the longer you ignore it, the louder it will be. I don't know what's worst, listening to that ringtone or talking to my mother.

I have fantasies about throwing the phone outside my 45th floor window, so it would plunge into its death. Or even better, smashing it with a baseball bat. I'm not a violent person, but this phone is really a FUCKING NIGHTMARE and is making me turn into GODZILLA ON PMS (RAWR). 

I haven't had proper sleep in the last 3 days, all my sleeping period has been maximum 4 hours each before I wake up from THE FUCKING PHONE or from my FUCKING JET LAG. Oh, what's even better? Someone in the building has just been diagnosed with the swine, so they're closing gym and the pool for the next 2 days for "deep cleaning." Greatness.

Ok, the phone just rang again, I don't know how long I can keep up with this anymore, even life is not worth this torture. All I want is to just sleep in peace, is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Michael Jackson Passed Away...

I know, I can't believe it either. This is just too sad. I have jet lag and just woke up to be exposed to this horrendous news. I don't have much to say about it as I am still in shock but, we really have lost a legend. Rest in Peace Michael. 

Read all the details here. 

This is the Reason Why You Don't Have Salad in Your Diet

Because you don't own the magnificent technology known as "Slap Chop." Vince here is convinced that this machine will make "America skinny again, one slap at a time." DOUBTFUL. 

If you're wondering why he's familiar, its because he's the ShamWow guy. Just watch this commercial below and you'll be calling the number ASAP. If you call in the "next 10 minutes," you also get the Graty which could grate cheese for "tacos, fettucini, linguine, martini, bikini..." I'm having what he's having please, I want to become a poet like him. 

Some other words of wisdom: 

"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Indeed Vince, indeed... 

When chopping onions, you should use the slap chop because "Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry anymore."

Do you also know that Vince speaks Spanish?

*Thanks Pey

You Chose the Wrong Guy...

VH1, home to all the quality shows in the universe, announced that they are looking for women to be on the show called "Entertainer of Love." That's right, his real name is Frank and he was in I Love New York and I Love Money. 

For once VH1, I really think you guys have chosen the wrong guy. Unless the Entertainer would have a challenge involving toe-sucking competition (even I might not be able to stomach that), I'm not going to watch it. That's right, for once I'm putting my foot down and let myself have some dignity. 

It should've been 12 Pack of Love or even better FOX OF LOVE. That dumbass does deserve his own show, I would WATCH that shit for sure, no questions asked. 

Here is Fox in all his glory: when Daisy asked him is he's 100% single... His response was "I'm one hundred and ten point fifteen point five percent (110.15.5%)" single. I didn't even know two points could even exist in the same numerical value. Or is that actually (110/15/5)/100? Wow, I feel like I just surpassed in Fox's retardedness, this means that his stupidity is CONTAGIOUS. Watch the clip below with a surgeon's mask (this has been an official warning from the IAJ's Department of Brain Disability). 

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

DRUNKZ BLOGGING: Your Favorite team returns for the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ!!!!!!!!

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! BLOG READERS OF THE MIGHTY D:

drunks blogging is back, and I, Tatiana, will be blogging in red! First of all, I want to defend myself by saying I NEVER watch BRAVO! I barely even watched TV when I was in college. I would just submit to D's VH1 enforcements (her word is feared.... she's an aries... trust me, she's in charge). But now I've graduated, and I'm unemployed, and I went to Jersey last weekend and I was INCREDIBLY amused by the local Garden State residents. I needed some follow-up for my encounter with these kids. Then, I twisted my foot and I got house-locked, which got me even more engrossed in the show. Since I started watching the show, I loved Jaqueline. She's sweet and she's the most beautiful one on the show. She's not fake and she doesn't talk with that HORRENDOUS jersey accent. She wasn't as entertaining as Danielle or Dina or Caroline (can I just say that that "thick as thieves" was played multiple times on D's TiVo... oh, entertainment this century!) Still, this show is different, over time I have developed a little something for each person on the show:

-Danielle: Personally, I hate her character. I wouldn't be friends with her in a million years. She's an attention whore. Plain and SiMPLE. However, I have sympathy for the poor skank. Everyone's turned on her (Except for the kind hearted Jackie –man, I <3>

- Caroline: This chick has power! I mean, this episode went down, and she was like Solomon (administering speech time and defense space).

-Dina: She has a good head on her shoulder. she has good education principles for her daughter...until she decided to quit her job. I'm sorry, but that's where you lost me sweety. I don't think you should quit working, you save too much time for gossip as it is. YOU SHOULD CUT INTO YOUR "GF GOSSIP TIME" NOT INTO YOUR WORK TIME. Work is what gives people a reason to get up in the morning. (In fact it was proven that people with jobs live longer)

Euhm... Teresa, I have nothing good to say about her. I never liked airheads. She's raising the next generation's Paris Hilton. Period. I'm pretty sure her daughter's going to be a whore next year. Yeah, she's 10, but her path is on an express track to slutsville. She's slap-worthy!

The only thing that bothers me about Jaqueline is her ungrateful daugther ASHLEY. I don't hate anyone on the show as much as I do her. She ABUSES her mother's kindeness. She needs a good spanking and a military boot camp retreat. Oh and did I mention she needs SPANKING!?!?!?!??! She doesn't deserve a car. My own sister had to be in the top 3% of her class before she even got a Volkswagon. Seriously, what is Ashley... ok ok, I have to leave room for the much celebrated blogger herself now before I produce more material for the Jaqueline FAN CLUB and the Ashley HATE CLUB (PS: I think Jackie's husband is also THA BOMB!)

Whatever, she totally like added Jacqueline on facebook, let's hope that they'll become BFFs (heartz)! I have no more to say as I'm pretty sure Tatiana has gone through a comprehensive recap of this season finale and she has done a pretty damn good job too! Ok, too drunk and tired for this, I'll update more later tomorrow morning. BLURGH. 

WTF Geico?

Because of your wonderful commercials plugged everywhere on EVERY GODDAMN channel, this song has been stuck in my head for the last 96 hours, really thank you... This is a good remix of the oldie song called "Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell feat. Michael Jackson. Basically a song for someone diagnosed with paranoia disorder.

So why does the money have eyes? Is the money going to stalk you until you switch to Geico? That "money that you could be saving" is technically a $5 bill put on top of monopoly money with googeley eyes attached to it. So don't buy into the commercials too fast you guys. WATEVS. 

Here's the commercial:

Dear Geico,

Could you please make some commercials that are a little bit more straight to the point? When you first came out with those gecko and caveman commercials, it took me MONTHS to figure out that you were selling CAR INSURANCE. SNORE FEST, I know you're trying to attract the younger customers and make car insurance snazzy, but seriously, enough with abusing those cavemen. 

I have to admit that even though I'm always confused about your commercials, it is still annoyingly effective (as I do use Geico for my car insurance). Your company has inspired me to do my next unemployment project, which is putting googeley-eyes on a stack of money, pillows, clothing articles, camera, etc. So thank you for that. I have now went way off tangent and now completely forgotten what I'm suppose to write... Erm, I hope your business prosper in these hard times. 

Here's the song:

Actually this song perfectly reflects how I feel like in the past few days, "I always feel like, somebody's watching me and I have no privacy. (OH WOW OH)" 

BACK OFF YOU WEIRDO STALKER, BACK OFF. 

And on WAY MORE OFF TOPIC ARTS AND CRAFT PROJECTS: If you don't feel like doing it to monetary paper, do it to your plants.